Limiting the pediatrician visits - Dear Kid

Once again we're sitting in the pediatrician office waiting to be seen. No offense but I'm not please to be here...again...so soon.

Dear Daniel

Just last month we had to come in for a visit for the gash on your chin, now we're here because of your irritated and swollen eye. Never mind the fall you took this week where you bruised and bloodied your lip.

Listen, while I'm grateful to have access to medical care for general health check ups and in cases of an emergency, that doesn't mean I enjoy the process to see your pediatrician. Not to mention she's going to start wondering what I'm doing to you to require frequent doctor visits. *groan*

And that's the other thing. Despite my best intentions you keep developing daredevil tendencies. Really how many times I have I told you to stop running around the apartment?!

As if that's not bad enough, your need to try and climb anything including the walls coupled with your developing NOT listening to me skills, is going to really earn us some frequent visitors points at the pediatrician office and emergency room.

Again, while I'm happy to ensure your well being and take you to the emergency room to fix-up any damages, I'm asking if we can keep these visit to a minimum. We still have many years ahead of us so lets work on spacing out these doctor visits ok?

Love you always,
Your Umma

Accepting my blog fame at Blogalicious

In October I attend the Blogalicious Conference 2010 in Miami (www.blogaliciousweekend.com). Now, I don't in general attend blog conferences, but I knew the women behind this conference and their goals of showcasing a blogging community based on diversity.

Which means blogger's attending will be black, Asian, Hispanic and any other hue included in the rainbow. Sounds like a perfect place for me :)

And yet when it came time to register I hesitated at the section asking blog name....what to put I wonder...

After splitting my blog personality earlier this year I've made sure to keep things separated. Race issues did not cross over to the regular mom blogging blog and vice versus.

Since this was a "blogging" conference I decided to go as The Mommy Factor and be a good little blogger who played nice with others...unlike that Asian Black Community blogger who's always making trouble. LOL.

So here I am in Miami pretending to be Miss Mommy Factor. I'd mingle and connect with other major bloggers of color and do my thang. Sounded good...until 7am the first morning of the conference when the universe brought me together with Ananda Leeke (authoranandaleeke.wordpress.com).

It all started with a good morning on Ananda's part. Kudos to her for speaking to a total stranger. LOL. As we chatted while waiting for registration to open it happened. Ananda said, I know you.

I'm like yeah I just introduced myself. LOL. Ananda was like...no, don't you have a blog about Asian and black people? And there is was, my cover was blown.

Once I dropped the Mommy Factor cover our conversation flowed to another level. We spoke about being black Buddhists women, about race and identity, the need for black female voices in the blogosphere and her connection to the Asian community.

We ended up interviewing each other for our blogs. LOL. I will post Ananda's interview in another blog post, but you can listen to Ananda interviewing me online :) (www.cinchcast.com/anandaleeke/99929).

From there putting back on my alter ego of Mommy Factor wasn't as easy I planned.

While meeting other bloggers throughout the conference I heard the same expression....I know you, you have a blog about Asian and black people. I'd say I do but then follow up with the "But I'm here as The Mommy Factor" line. It worked on a few but for other bloggers that line didn't mean anything.

When Jen (www.jaelcustomdesigns.com) introduced herself to me, her follow up line to my follow up line was... uh huh (ignoring my Mommy Factor reference), so I've been following Asian Black Co for a long time. I learned that Jen is blasian (Chinese and black) and also a mom of biracial children.

We started talking (and laughing) about the reaction we get from people when they see our mixed race families. We also talked about dealing with the Asian family member's who need some help adjusting to having black cousins. LOL

Then Jessica (www.thattechchick.com), who's also biracial (black and white), joined the conversation and shared about her "is that your child" stories. We all then spent a good amount of time trading stories as mom with biracial children and as bloggers of color.

You'd think after that I'd give up the farce of pretending to be Mommy Factor right? But no, I still kept labeling myself as this "other" blogger. Well by dinner time it was a running joke.

By the look of the women I joined for dinner, you can tell I was clearly still in denial about being the Asian Black Community blogger. LOL.

Joining me for dinner included Kim, Mom of a blasians (www.imnotthenanny.com), Sandy, Hispanic married to an asian, mom of biracials (spa.typepad.com/mamas), Leticia (www.techsavvymama.com) and Sheila (www.xiaolinmama.com).

By the end of the night I gave up trying to explain who I was there "trying" to be. No one was hearing me anyway. LOL.

During the rest of the conference I had more phenomenal experiences. I was introduced to another mother with blasian children who was so excited that I had a website and community that she can relate to.

I also met Felicia, an Asian sociologist attending the conference to understand the world of mom blogging. That meeting led to a long conversation which lead to an interview about how I use blogging for community awareness.

After ALL of that and then some, I started asking myself some real hard questions. While I know who I am, do I know which blogger I want to be?!

I asked myself that question in Oct 2010 and now in Dec 2010 after being really true and honest with myself about my purpose...I'm now back to where my home has always been. Now that I've stopped all the fooling around lets get things back on track!

apple picking newbie

Our first time apple picking at Lawrence Farms Orchards. Apple picking was a success. Sorta

My son can't eat the apples but he still enjoyed getting them into the bag.

Where Ya Going - Dear Kid

Can you please tell me where you're going?! What is this new thing you're doing when we go to the playground?

Dear Daniel

Usually it's just a matter of choosing what area you want to play in. It's funny to watch you check out the different areas to see what happening. Are you really trying to decide if you should join that group of kids by the slide or swings?

Maybe you are. I'm not sure. Eventually you'll decide and off you go to play till it's time to go.

But recently I've noticed you like to run off to seek some adventure in another play area without telling me! I've had many a panicking moment to see you running AWAY from where I JUST left you.

Thankfully I'm only a few feet away but still. Not all playgrounds are as open as the one where we live.

Just yesterday you left one area to go exploring by the adult area. Argh!

As I ran after you...gosh you're fast...you disappeared around the corner of a building. You disappeared! I had to run in the opposite direction to intercept you.

My heart prayed that no one grabbed you along the way at some secret door. Thankfully I made around the corner in time to "catch" you.

Now what was behind that little moment of you "adventuring" off on your own? You wanted to see the basketball game happening in the adult area! *faints*

Love you always,

Your Umma

Switch from playing to learning

We went to the park and I noticed my son seemed bored with the playground. He started running away outside. So I took him for a walk and just spent time enjoying being together doing nothing.

Seems lately he's over "just" playing and now he wants to interact.

We went on an errand and I talked to him, pointing things out and naming items. Which he quickly repeated. Seems he want to "learn".

Daredevil in Training - Dear Kid

I'm not sure when it came into your little head that you could be a mini daredevil.

Dear Daniel

I certainly didn't mention it to you or encourge any daredevil like actions. Yet there you are trying to test the limits of your balance and strengh. I should also mention your testing the limits of my nerves. I'm starting to be a nervous wreck!

As I stand watching you, I see your moments of plotting to do a mini daredevil trick. I see you eyeing the top of the bigger slide wondering how to get up there. I see you eyeing the bigger swings wondering if you can make a dash towards it before I catch you.

As you make these decesion to climb down, up and all around the big areas, your determined to do it alone. No help from mommy is needed. I'm amazed at you and your actions...and your inistance, in the form of wiggling and running away, that I leave you alone.

What are you thinking about when you take that step off the edge? I hold my breath for the fall and crying...but they dont come. You take the step, hang there for a few seconds and then you're down. Even after a stumble, fall or scrape you're right back trying to perfect your system of tricks. With each sucessful daredevil action you proudly smile and clap to yourself.



In support, I clap and smile also at your success. But I also hold back a few tears at yet another system of actions taking you futher away from being my baby and closer to being an independant little boy.

Love you always,
Your Umma

Little Boys and Accidents

As my son grows apparently so will his accidents. Try as I might I can't prevent him from having no accidents, so I try to prepare myself and cope as best I can when they do happen.

Still the latest round of boo boo's has me wondering what is it with little boys and accidents?

Tonight's boo boo is a big one since it's on my son's head. As usual he was trying to climb on things he shouldn't. As I once again ask him not to climb in a certain area, he slides off and connects with a wall corner.

As he walks over to me wailing I start the panicked mother inspection process. I'm looking for the sign that will immediately launch me into heading into the emergency.

Oddly enough, while there is a small gash on the side of my son's head, there's no bleeding, swelling, or disorientation. Matter of fact he's stop crying and is trying to escape my grasp so he could go play. When I finally release him, I immediately text me sister the EMT to find out what to do.

That crazy girl tells me to take a photo and send it to her. *groan* I can just see the scene of her being at a hospital, asking a doctor for their opinion, and then all the medical staff standing around her discussing my photo.

After sending her the photo I then had to go thru 20 questions. Is he this, is he doing that, what about this. Gosh, she's as bad as the doctors office. After unofficially clearing him she tells me to observe him for weird behavior. *sigh*

Just think...this is just the beginning. As he grows, like many young boys, he's going to try all sorts of crazy stunts. Of course this will mean more accidents and in some cases some bad ones.

I wonder if there's a support group for Mother's of a little boys who gets boo boo's. There should be!

Bitter Sweet Sunset - Dear Kid

I had such a great time exploring Riverbank State park with you today.

Dear Daniel

It's always wonderful to see your excitement when we go somewhere new. As I watched you discover all the things to do in the park, I thought about your dad and how today could have been different.

I wondered if I cheated you somehow by not staying with your dad. My mind firmly reminds me that I did the best thing for you long term. Yet at moments like these my heart breaks when I think how much your dad is missing out...and maybe in some ways you are missing out also. Your dad and I loved sitting in the park and watching the sun set the same way we did today.

As we sit watching the sunset, I know your dad would have enjoyed spending this day with us....with you. He would have laughed, cheered and been proud at the things you did today. He would have sat with you on the grass and told you stories of his childhood. At that point I would have bopped him because his childhood stores are filled with mischief. I don't want him giving you any ideas!

Despite the way things are now between your dad and I, one day I hope you'll understand that he did want and love you. He was excited about the idea of you from the early moments we talked about starting a family. We'd day dream about life with you all the time. Matter of fact, when I said we'd have a girl, he was the one who always said you'd be a boy. No matter what I said, he knew you'd be you :)

But still as we leave the park, only one hand holds your little one when it should have been two. Maybe one day this will change. Maybe one day your dad and I will find a way to reconnect him, you and me. Maybe. Maybe not. Either way I promise you'll always have my hand holding onto yours.

Love you always,
Your Umma

Stop Food Fight - Dear Kid

When will we stop the food fight? I'm beyond tired of you say "NO" to me while Im trying to feed you.

Dear Daniel

Further I don't think it's cute that you're now "hiding" from the food. Meal times is not hide and seek time. Honestly I cant believe we're having such an issue.

People told me this time would come but I didn't believe it. You've always liked food and ate well. So to think there would be a time when you would refuse food? Not going to happen I told myself. Yet here we are at each meal time having this power struggle.

The books and experts say it's about you wanting to feel more control of things. *sigh* Trust me kid, you have control over more things then you know. Do we have to fight in the food area?

I worry that all these missed meals will harm your development. You're still young and need the nourishment that food provides. I'm scared that you'll miss some vital nutrition and have a problem later in life. *sigh* This fear has driven me to

• Make multi meals in the hope that you might eat one.
• Make all sorts of weird yummy sounds to encourage you to take a spoon
• Come up with creative ways to combine everything for those rare moments I can get 3 whole spoons of food into you before you go back on strike

From Nov 2009 to now it feels that this battle has been going on a bit long. At least in my mommy mind. How much more kid?

As I watch you run around and get into mischief, you don't seem to be affected by the missed meals. But I still worry. So can we find a way to call a food truce? Is there some kind of war time eating agreement we both can settle on? As I once again enter the battlefield...with this plate of chicken and rice...I hope we can. Soon!

Love you always,
Your Umma

Inspired by the Crisis in Crib Screening

Have you ever been in a place filled with energy so powerful that your skin tingles? After seeing screening of the Crisis in the Crib: Saving Our Nation's Babies, a documentary by Tonya Lewis Lee, all the women in the room became of one mind, thoughts and intent. It was electric!

Since I've already blogged about the screening and how I think it can affect the Asian and Black community, I want to talk more about what happened before and after as I met amazing women doing amazing things.

I was invited by Kimberly Seals Allers (www.mochamanual.com) to attend the screening. Kimberly is a one women force for the female community. She's motivated by her love for black women and the black community. Kimberly explained how after speaking with Tonya Lewis Lee they both wanted to find a way to spread awareness about this plight of African American babies and hopefully bring about change.

Tonya Lewis Lee (www.tonyalewislee.com) is a women of change herself being an attorney, award-winning television producer, wife of filmmaker Spike Lee, and a spokesperson for the Office of Minority Health's "A Healthy Baby Begins With You" campaign since 2007! But even with all this she feels the bond of the motherhood. Tonya spoke of her experience as a mother and hopes that other black mothers will take their health and the health of their babies as a serious issue.

I also meet the different women behind Women's eNews (www.womensenews.org),...well, really Daniel met them first since he was running around their office saying hello. LOL. As I chased after him I chatted with each person learning their roles and more about the organization.

I have to give a major hat tip to Carol Jenkins (www.huffingtonpost.com/carol-jenkins). Carol and I shared a conversation about raising biracial kids in this culture.

Carol's granddaughter is an adopted biracial child and her daughter encounters comments from people who think she should have adopted a "one" race child. Ah yes, people sure are bold right?

Carol was also very helpful with entertaining Daniel. In truth he was no problem at the screening...beyond wanting to meet everyone. LOL. But for the moments when I needed to "work" the screening room, Carol was more then happy to hangout with Daniel. I entertained thoughts of making her his honorary grandmother. LOL

But these are not the only amazing women in the room that night. I briefly meet Lucinda Cross (www.corporatemomdropouts.com) and Nichelle Stephens (www.nichellestephens.com). Both black women doin there thing in the social media world

I also learned about different community organizations that focus on helping black women in all different stages. One women talked about using Yoga to help young women learn to be healthy, another women talked about helping black mothers who are recovering addicts, another helps protect the rights of blacks mothers in jail. On and on I heard from powerful advocates for the community of black women. All touched by this issue and willing to spread the word.

Sadly, I didn't get a chance to speak one on one with as many as I wanted, since I had to get Daniel home. But I left the screening being inspired by the great things my fellow sisters are doing for their different communities. Go black women!

Behind the Judgment of Strangers

Everyone loves a baby right? I told myself this was the reason behind why strangers felt the need to comment on my parenting. Unsolicited!

While I admit some comments are helpful...sadly most are not.

Some comments are down right mean and nasty. One man told me "some people shouldn't have kids" after I tried to stop my son from crying...and failed. What's the deal with comments like these?!

Oddly enough it took another stranger who helped me understand why I get some gutty comments. After a full day of activity we jumped on the bus to head back home. Apparently Daniel chose this moment to make poo in his diaper. I don't have to tell you that fresh poo smells.

One women felt the need to tell me he went in his diaper. Hmm. I replied I know but nothing I can do until we get home. She gave me a look but said nothing else. Another women while getting off the bus started speaking to her in Spanish. I don't have to understand Spanish to know they we're talking about me and my son. After she leaves the first women felt the need to tell me...

Spanish WM #1: She was talking about you and how your not doing anything for him. That by the time you take him home it will be to late.

Me: *sigh* We're on our home. What did she want? For me to change him on the bus?

Spanish WM #1: I told her to mind her business. Unless she's willing to go buy the diapers and wipes then she should be quiet.

Me: *nodding and thinking that's the end of it*

Spanish WM #1: I hate people like that. People always have something to say. You know what it is...she just looks at him and doesn't see you. She thinks he's not yours and so wants to talk about you.

Me: *light bulb moment*

I'm going stop the conversation right there. That woman doesn't know it but she made my life both easier and hardier. Nice to know that people attack me because they think I'm the nanny...not the mother. Seems being perceived as the nanny automatically gives strangers the right to judge me and share nasty comments.

That's an interesting issue. If my son was brown like me would people turn a blind eye when he cries? If I was a white mom would I get supportive comments and the smile that says "I know how it is"? If I was Spanish like that women would she have been quiet? Hmm.

Enjoying Dim Sum & Lunar New Year Festival

To celebrate the Lunar New Year of the Tiger 2010, I took Daniel for his first taste of Dim Sum. It's a Chinese tradition after all. Yeah we're not Chinese, but I'll use any excuse to eat Dim Sum. LOL.

I also planned for us to see the Firecracker Ceremony & Cultural Festival (www.betterchinatown.com/firecracker.html) also happening in Chinatown.

Before leaving I checked with Lai, my Chinese mom, to see if she was also having Dim Sum. She was and asked us to join her and her family. Score!

After fighting my way thru the crowds of people, who refuse to respect the stroller space, I found Lai at the restaurant and took my place waiting on line. Being Lunar New Year all the families came out and the place was super crowded.

As we waited we watched the Lion and Dragon dancers who were going around blessing the restaurant (and collecting money!) for CNY.

The music surrounding them boomed over us and the colors whirled as the different colored Lion and Dragon passed through the crowd. I should mention that Daniel is still not impressed by the Lion and Dragon.

It has to be a Korean thing since they don't have lions or dragons in their culture. But they do have Tigers! That's a story for another time.

After literally pushing past people we sat at our table and got right to ordering. My friend Lai did all the ordering in Chinese since it's easier. As she rattled off dishes we wanted, I settled Daniel into his chair.

He sat very well and just looked around at all the activity. After getting our Dim Sum I chatted with Lai about her recent travel trips, while Daniel tried to use the chop sticks the way he saw everyone else...but me...using.

When he started poking people at the table, I quickly took the chop sticks away. Then he decided he'd use my fork instead.

Let me tell you it's hard to eat noodle while he's grabbing my fork. Eventually I won the battle but Daniel's a bad loser and started to cry. For the next 3 mins everyone at the table tried all sorts of things to stop his crying.

I just ignore it. LOL. Eventually he decided he'd rather get more food then have me ignoring him and stopped.

We finished our meal and left to see the Cultural Festival. We made a quick stop along Mott street to see more Lion and Dragon dancing and see the sights of Chinatown. Many of the stores were beautifully decorated.

We watch Lai's niece's pop tubes of confetti. The streets were filled with confetti since people popped tubes all over the street.

Daniel of course also wanted a tube. I gave him an empty tube so he wouldn't feel left out. Of course we posed for more photos while standing there.

Finally we headed over to see the Cultural Festival. Sadly we came a bit late and missed the opening firecracker ceremony and alot of the performances. But we still enjoyed listening to the last few performances.

Meanwhile, Daniel decided he was more interested in running around and enjoying the music.

Lai's nieces bought baby dragons along the way and everyone took turns posing with them. I tried once again to get Daniel excited about the dragons. He still wasn't feeling them. Oh well.

I made sure he took a photo with them anyway. LOL. After all the dragons are luck bringers.

To end the day Lai gave out the little red envelopes popular during CNY. Woot! Daniels first red filled with money. Daniel shyly took the envelope...good asian kid training...and after a few minutes tried to eat it...bad asian kid training!

That was my cue to take my kid home and feed him some more. It was great to enjoy food with friends and family to start the Lunar Year of the Tiger.

Late Talkers : Are Experts & Family Right?

We recently went to visit Grandma. My sister texted me a few days back that my mother was worried and missing Daniel. *rolling my eyes* Mind you my mother never called me to say any of this.

I thought about planning a weekend visit but since we're in the middle of Chinese New Year weekends are no good. My son has a busy schedule of activities. LOL.

For the most part the visit was fine. I sat down in a corner and let my Mom, sister and my Uncle chase Daniel around the place with hugs and kisses. In truth I could have just dropped him off, since they're not interested in me. LOL

As Daniel did his thing trying to help Grandma clean and cook, my mother started telling me about my sister friends son. She went on about how he can talk and say certain words very clear. My mom felt it's cause he was in daycare and suggested I put Daniel back in daycare so he can talk faster. Hmm.

Later my uncle also brought up the daycare issue. He hinted that I'm holding my son back. Double Hmm.

Since Daniel turned 1yr I've been fielding the "Is he talking" questions left and right. I'm always hearing about some wonder 1yr old child that can say the whole alphabet, count to 10 and speak in complete sentences.

Some people suggest I'm not doing enough to encourage him to talk more. Other's suggest it's because he's a boy and therefore slower to do things. Hmm.

Goodness, people are always rushing children to do things. I've come to learned that Daniel does things when he's ready. He sat up, rolled over, semi crawled and walked when HE wanted to. I just had to wait.

But to be on the safe side I did some reading but even the experts claim boys are slow in some areas of development. While I don't agree with the "boys are slower" way of thinking, it was comforting to read that some kids are late talker and it's normal.

What's ironic is that Daniel does know how to talk. I caught him saying words and I swear he asked me "where we going" the other night. But I admit he's not very motivated to really speak. I confess I'm partially to blame. I'm so good at reading his gestures and hand signs that I forget to encourage him to "speak" his needs.

Since this month I'm job hunting...yes again...Daniel will return to daycare anyway. I'm sure this will help him develop faster in some areas. Soon I'll blog about not being able to hush him up. LOL

The Reality of Being A Mom Blogger

Me a famous mom blogger? A friend of mine teases me by calling me that. Some people might think I am based on things I've done, places I've gone and people I've met. But this is SO not my reality. I am far from being a "famous" mom blogger.

It's weird to live one way but have people see my life in a totally different way. I think it's all about the perception.

I was laughing with another blogger friend that people need to understand that I'm still black and struggling. I'm still the same at the end of the day.

Yes I attended a fancy media event for a large company. Yes I rubbed shoulders with Presidents of companies and famous "mom" bloggers. Yes, I get to shake hands and take photos with celebrity moms. But all of that is just for 2 hours! Don't be fooled by it all folks.

After that I come back home to my little studio apartment in Harlem (before it use to be a room I shared with family). I'm not hanging out with these people on the weekends. No celebrities are calling me to have brunch and a chat pool side. I still get my own groceries, do my own laundry and face the same struggles to make ends meet like other single moms.

People need to understand that I'm not making loads of money from blogging. Heck at the end of last month I barely paid all my bills. When I tell ya'll barely, I mean barely.

Matter of fact, it cost me money and time to attend a blogger event. While a few events do provide a meal and care service, most don't so I have to pay my own transportation and food.

As for all expense paid blogger trips...I can't really speak about those. Yes, it's true I went on that Disney World trip but that was something out of a fairytale and amazing. Trips like that are not a regular thing. I still wonder what little wonderful bird told them to invite me for something like that. LOL.

But in my everyday life the reality is...my true focus is on providing for my son. My fame and status comes from being the best mother I can for him. My online friends tease me about being "famous" in connection with the blasian term and for blogging about Daniel. LOL. I doubt I'll be "famous" for being a mom blogger.

Do I mind? Not really.

While the life of a "famous" mom blogger looks very appealing with all the trips, products and meeting famous people, my peek into that world taught me, in order to fit in, you have to live up to certain demands.

As we all know I'm not one for fitting into demanding situations. LOL. So, for now I'm happy being just semi-famous.

My Valentine Would Become Genghis Khan

So it's Valentines Day now. Many couples are getting their gifts ready and making last minute plans. I am doing neither of those. But don't feel sad for me.

It's by choice that I'm still single this Valentine's. While I did set my self up for a date by placing dating ads and joining a few dating sites...I have yet to follow up on either.

Let me be honest here...Im not an easy women to date or woo. A man has to be strong within himself to stand by my side. I've been at this dating process a LONG time in between husbands #1 and #2. I know what I want AS a women. I also know what some men IN a women.

Now that I've become a mother, potential dates are screen through my "mommy" microscope. While I'm willing to easy up in some areas, in others area I'm hardier to impress. The happiness of my son is foremost. So finding husband #3 is going to take some work.

What really am I looking for? I've watched and listened as other women expound on who mister right is for them. A lot of it is based on being rescued by love or having undying love that follows them. Mister right comes INTO their lives and everything changes. Hmm.

Recently I watched the Mongol: The Rise of Genghis Khan (www.mongolmovie.com). As I watched it I started thinking that's the KIND of man I seek. No not specifically an man of Mongolian decent or even an Asian man to be more specific. It's NOT about a man's race, it's IS about a man's spirit. I want a man who will change the world for love.

In the movie, the driving force behind the man who would become the powerful Genghis Khan...is the love of his wife and his children. The most powerful scene happens in the simplest way...

Temüjin: "I have names for the sons you will bear me"
Börte: "Do you know the Mongols"

Then she goes on to tell him all the bad things the Mongol tribes have been doing since he was sold into slavery...his reply?

Temüjin: *after thinking for a while* I know what to do with the Mongols.

Then he rides away...mind you he was just reunited with his family. Yet wanting to make the world a better place for them moves him to act. In that acting he became powerful.

Now how many men asking me for a date has potential to be moved in that way? Some might say I'm asking too much. But I am already in the process of trying to change the world based on love for my son.

I realized that the act of loving someone isn't just about having them come into my life. After your in my life and have become part of it...then what?!

For the Love of Nursing - Dear Kid

This morning we had another wrestling sessions over you wanting to nurse and me not letting you.

Dear Daniel

I cant figure out what happened to the self weaning stage you went thru a few months back. We were doing so well. You were down to just night time nursing and some nights didn't even need it. But after the move we're back to you trying to nurse all the time. Hmm.

Please try and understand it's not that mommy doesn't want to comfort you. I know you nurse when your upset about something but we need to find other ways to calm you. I've tried hugging and rocking, singing and dancing ad even as a last resort...bribing with raisins. So far your favorite soothing method is the raisins but they will only last 1.05oz worth. Hmm

So for now we'll negotiate the nursing schedule. I'll allow it at night so I don't have to worry what the neighbors think of a child crying his headoff. Plus I want to get some sleep. But you have to ease up on the reaching in my shirt to grab a boobie when we're outside. Deal?

Love you always,
Your Umma

Our Blasian Shout-Out on YouTube

A few days ago I was contacted by Naomi on YouTube. Usually when people find one of my videos they'll send me a msg. The msgs are usually from another mother with a blasian child or from a blasian person.

Of course they all want to say how adorable Daniel is. LOL.

But this note from Naomi was a bit different since she wanted to make a shoutout video for both me and Daniel.

I wasn't sure what would be in Naomi's shoutout video but after watching them I was stunned. Naomi doesnt know this but just by making that simple video she has done an amazing thing. Through that video she will spread awareness to others about

• Black women who date Asian men,
• Families with biracial children or family members who have biracial children
• Racial tolerance and acceptance
  

Watching Naomi's shoutout video brought me to tears. I never know how the things I do and blog about touches others. Sometimes I wonder if anyone outside my community even really cares.

As I heard Naomi make comment's about blog posts I've written, product reviews I've done and how wonderful is was to see a mother documenting moments in a child life...I am encouraged to keep doing what I do.

Thank you Naomi!

The blues cool kid

I think he's channeling the Blues Brothers

What do you think?

Learning How to Parent Alone

Parenting alone is a scary thing. I'll be the first to admit it. Yes, I did choose to be a single parent, but that doesn't make it any easier.

Parenting is still hard work!

Now that Daniel and I are "officially" on our own, after moving away from my family, I'm trying to learn to do things on my own as a parent.

In one ways it's a wonderful thing to be free to train and raise my son in my own way. No more bickering about what he's eating, wearing, or doing. The first and final say is mine!

But in other ways it's a little stressful not to have a little backup when I need it. Now if I need something from the store I have to dress Daniel and take him. Doesn't matter if it's cold, rainy or late night.

Also what little free time I use to have is all gone. From morning to night Daniel demands my attention. Now I am his sole distraction and playmate.

The one area I find this being a real problem is when I need to blog. Trying to develop a thought has become a challenge when I constantly have to stop and tend to him in some way.

Writing one blog use to take me a few hours now it takes me a whole day. Since I'm already backup in some areas blog-wise you can see how frustrating this is becoming.

Some paying blog projects have deadlines and if I cant meet the deadlines then there's no payment. That's not acceptable.

As a single parent one of the scariest things is the fear I can't provide for my son. From food to medical I need to be able to cover these basics. If I can't then panic will set in.

Matter of fact Linda, a blog friend, who's a single mom through adoption, recently wrote "Therapy Thursday - Are my Hot Thoughts Killing Me" about having such a panic attack when she couldn't find a medical bill to pay. (www.newyorkcitysinglemom.com/2010/01/therapy-thursday-are-my-hot-thoughts.html)

In that blog Linda outline some ways to focus and reduce the panicking feeling when going through an anxiety attack.

I found that info so helpful. As a single mom I do need "tools" to help me figure things out. What I learned from my own family wont work for us since I want to parent differently.

I want to learn how to parent so I can figure out what works best for MY family.

Blasian families are not a rarity

Today we made our usual trip to the laundromat. While waiting for the clothes to wash I followed Daniel as he walked around. As we walked past a black women asked "what is he mixed with"? I thought, that's a new spin on the "is that your baby"? question.

As I looked at her cooing at my son I could tell she was just curious. Besides, she also had a baby boy in a stroller. From his curly hair I suspected he might be biracial.

So I told her my son is half Korean. She replied "I knew he was half Asian, my daughter is half Filipino". Once again I was found by another black mother with a blasian child.

Being found by mothers with blasian children is happening to me more and more. Usually they find me online through facebook or the blog. I'm always amazed and proud when that happens. For so long I've been the one doing the stalking of other mothers. Now it's time for me to be stalked. LOL.

But even as I meet other mothers I still deal with people thinking my community is a "rarity". When I talk about my community to other people they have a hard time seeing it. I think some people think I talk and write about race as a hobby instead of a real life experience.

A few times I've seen comments on my blogs where people say a black women with a half Asian child is so "rare, special or unique". Hmm. I don't agree with all of that.

Neither my son or I are some sort of mutated species of humanity. I doubt people realize what they're saying or what labeling us "rare" implies.

I recently wrote a blog about how people should take the red pill (hat tip to the Matrix movies) so they can SEE the blasian community because we're not some secret sect. Blasian are everywhere and I'm sure part of many people's family tree.

Not to mention at the rate that asians and blacks are making blasian babies we're a growing force in the population. It's exciting to see!

After chatting with this other mother of a blasian child I came home encouraged. We both prove that blasian families are far from being a rarity.

You are a great kid - Dear Kid

You're a great kid! From day one you started out this way.

Dear Daniel

You were such a great baby. You had your own sleeping schedule and hardly stayed awake all night. I didn't have the long months of crying and fussiness other moms spoke about. You ate well and took to breastfeeding with no issue. Later you took to solid foods also without issue. As long as I kept the snacks coming you were happy :)

Now your a toddler and still a great kid! Yes like other toddlers you test your boundaries and love doing all things your not suppose to do. Yes, like other toddlers you can have meltdowns and temper tantrums.

But even with all that...your still a great kid. Your meltdowns and tantrums hardly last a few minutes and after you always come to give me a hug and kiss. I learned this is your way of saying sorry mommy.

But the best part so far is your love of travel. :) Like your mommy you love being out and about.

Traveling with you is a joy. This might be because you started traveling with me when you were 3 days old. You always get comments on how well behaved you are...and it's true.

Like most kids you love running around and sneaking things when your mom isn't looking. But unlike most kids you behave and listen when you need to. Maybe this might change later. But even so, I've learned enough about you to know that you'll still be a great kid! ;)

Love you always,
Your Umma

Your imagination - Dear Kid

How adorable that your learning to use your imagination more and more each day.

Dear Daniel

I love watching you pretend to talk on the phone using all kinds of different objects. Yes even the tv remote control.

I'm so impressed when you line objects up in rows. I watched as you group first by size, the change your mind and regroup by randomness. I confess I don't exactly understand why you insist on doing it with the shoes. But I've learned to patiently wait until your done and then put them away again.

Still, I cant figure out what's the deal with you wanting to "collect" things in one corner of the room. Is that you imaginary secret treasure area? I dunno but can you please not "collect" things your mommy needs and put them there.

Love you always,
Your Umma