This morning was weird. I ran into 2 asian moms of blasian kids I knew. They both gave me "the" look of what happened...
In truth I've been avoiding them. Since I'm caught I might as well confess.
I adore my asian friends but hanging out with a group of ALL asians moms sometimes makes me feel like the nanny for the kids.
I do like these moms and they have blasian boys also, so I promised them we'll have a play date.
I can deal with one on one. Not in a group.
Showing posts with label raceissues. Show all posts
Showing posts with label raceissues. Show all posts
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Monday, September 26, 2011
White Mamas, Privilege & Racial Mental Tango
I received a very interesting reply to my tweet about what happened to me this weekend. Julie, a white mom, pointed out why some white women/moms wont get why questioning a mother of color connection to their biracial child is upsetting and rude.
I was shocked to see something like that said (admitted) when other white moms would swear otherwise. As I traded tweets with Julie I wanted to learn more about this "white privileged blindness" some white women/moms have.
I asked Julie to share her thoughts on the subject in a guest post and she bravely wrote "White Mamas, White Privilege & Racial Mental Tango".
Please read the post, share a comment and start the dialogue. I think it's important that moms of color with biracial children hear/read/ understand what's really happening in the minds of some white women/moms.
by Julie Jordan Avritt, who blogs at Duck You Forever (duckyouforever.wordpress.com) and Freelance Writing and Editing (www.freelancewritingandediting.com)
Hypothetical Scenario:
If I’d been sitting at the playground alongside a group of other white mothers when one of them asked me who the light skinned child of a darker-skinned mother belonged to, I would have found myself in the instantaneous psychological tango that never flows gracefully and certainly isn’t sexy.
Let’s say the woman on the playground has been holding the child, offering the child affection, soothing the child’s tears—usual indications that a woman is a child’s mother. But learned stereotypes, less real than imagined, want us to believe this woman, because of her race, is more likely to be the child’s nanny. Still, I would quickly pivot on my mental feet and say, “I’m sure the child belongs to her.”
But the truth is that the dance I’d be doing in my head would be partly obstacle course around my own learned prejudices. I might have looked and wondered for a brief second too, and I have to admit that if I’m interested in honest exchanges about race. Racism is systemic and even when we choose to eliminate it, or further, become social activists around its elimination, we are still called to address it all the time—not just in others, but in ourselves.
As a white person, I’m automatically assumed to be the rightful mother of my child. That’s white privilege. As a white person, I’m less likely to be assumed to be poor, even though I’m a member of the poverty class. I don’t appear to be, and this has partly to do with it, but being white as opposed to being a member of a minority race or ethnicity affects this perception. As a white person, it is more commonly assumed that I am educated and hold a degree or degrees. As a white person—and this one is frightening for what it means about minorities—it is automatically assumed that I am likely to be a decent parent.
Certainly not all white people are assumed to be decent parents, but we tend to think that educated, high income white folks are automatically going to be good at parenting. Hmm. And the opposite is assumed of low income minorities. This is dangerous thinking.
My experience with white people is that the vast majority of us are unconscious of our privilege and what it means, how it impacts others. This is a powerful ignorance.
My experience of folks who are working to unpack our privilege is that we are a tricky bunch; anybody who becomes bogged down by “white guilt” is likely to be sometimes smarmy, sometimes inauthentic, and no help to anyone, including themselves.
We like to debate about white privilege with one another forever, but actually listening to folks of color tell us why the things we believe, say, and do are obnoxious? Never! So, the privilege-ignorance equation regenerates and recycles.
Not long ago the Chicana owner of a social site informed the membership that it was becoming “too white.” (Folks of color were leaving because of all the unmonitored privilege and ignorance.) Her statement actually enraged members; they called it racist.
Racist against whom; white people?
And I should say here that this was a website in the LGBT community, people already very personally familiar with what it means to be oppressed.
My position is that white folks should not look to or expect people of color to teach them about their inherent racisms or the privilege they’re not ready to acknowledge they have. That is a further enacting of privilege. Working to eliminate our inner racism should be work we commit to do ourselves. When I think about the job of mothering, though, I wonder if there isn’t overlap, because I know that support is important, mentors are vital, and believing that we can affect change for the better—in ourselves, and maybe in at least one other little person—is essential. And perhaps also love. A lot of love.
I was shocked to see something like that said (admitted) when other white moms would swear otherwise. As I traded tweets with Julie I wanted to learn more about this "white privileged blindness" some white women/moms have.
I asked Julie to share her thoughts on the subject in a guest post and she bravely wrote "White Mamas, White Privilege & Racial Mental Tango".
Please read the post, share a comment and start the dialogue. I think it's important that moms of color with biracial children hear/read/ understand what's really happening in the minds of some white women/moms.
White Mamas, White Privilege & Racial Mental Tango
by Julie Jordan Avritt, who blogs at Duck You Forever (duckyouforever.wordpress.com) and Freelance Writing and Editing (www.freelancewritingandediting.com)
Hypothetical Scenario:
If I’d been sitting at the playground alongside a group of other white mothers when one of them asked me who the light skinned child of a darker-skinned mother belonged to, I would have found myself in the instantaneous psychological tango that never flows gracefully and certainly isn’t sexy.
Let’s say the woman on the playground has been holding the child, offering the child affection, soothing the child’s tears—usual indications that a woman is a child’s mother. But learned stereotypes, less real than imagined, want us to believe this woman, because of her race, is more likely to be the child’s nanny. Still, I would quickly pivot on my mental feet and say, “I’m sure the child belongs to her.”
But the truth is that the dance I’d be doing in my head would be partly obstacle course around my own learned prejudices. I might have looked and wondered for a brief second too, and I have to admit that if I’m interested in honest exchanges about race. Racism is systemic and even when we choose to eliminate it, or further, become social activists around its elimination, we are still called to address it all the time—not just in others, but in ourselves.
As a white person, I’m automatically assumed to be the rightful mother of my child. That’s white privilege. As a white person, I’m less likely to be assumed to be poor, even though I’m a member of the poverty class. I don’t appear to be, and this has partly to do with it, but being white as opposed to being a member of a minority race or ethnicity affects this perception. As a white person, it is more commonly assumed that I am educated and hold a degree or degrees. As a white person—and this one is frightening for what it means about minorities—it is automatically assumed that I am likely to be a decent parent.
Certainly not all white people are assumed to be decent parents, but we tend to think that educated, high income white folks are automatically going to be good at parenting. Hmm. And the opposite is assumed of low income minorities. This is dangerous thinking.
My experience with white people is that the vast majority of us are unconscious of our privilege and what it means, how it impacts others. This is a powerful ignorance.
My experience of folks who are working to unpack our privilege is that we are a tricky bunch; anybody who becomes bogged down by “white guilt” is likely to be sometimes smarmy, sometimes inauthentic, and no help to anyone, including themselves.
We like to debate about white privilege with one another forever, but actually listening to folks of color tell us why the things we believe, say, and do are obnoxious? Never! So, the privilege-ignorance equation regenerates and recycles.
Not long ago the Chicana owner of a social site informed the membership that it was becoming “too white.” (Folks of color were leaving because of all the unmonitored privilege and ignorance.) Her statement actually enraged members; they called it racist.
Racist against whom; white people?
And I should say here that this was a website in the LGBT community, people already very personally familiar with what it means to be oppressed.
My position is that white folks should not look to or expect people of color to teach them about their inherent racisms or the privilege they’re not ready to acknowledge they have. That is a further enacting of privilege. Working to eliminate our inner racism should be work we commit to do ourselves. When I think about the job of mothering, though, I wonder if there isn’t overlap, because I know that support is important, mentors are vital, and believing that we can affect change for the better—in ourselves, and maybe in at least one other little person—is essential. And perhaps also love. A lot of love.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Choosing to Segregate Children
Recently I interviewed the ladies behind Interracial Family Organization, a website that focuses on interracial families.
While there are many websites trying to highlight interracial families, after interviewing them I felt they we're trying to do something different, something modern, something inclusive.
I guess I was right cause they asked me to guest blog on their website. Yeah, I know! What are they thinking! LOL.
You'd think after all the drama from some of my post about white women I'd be the last person they'd ask to to write for them. But they did...and despite my paranoia after what happened with the other IR website that asked me to blog for them, only to then keep me out in the fields, *ahem*, I accepted their offer.
My first article for them titled "Deliberately Choosing to Segregate Children" is sure to cause some drama. But I'm hoping it will also cause some serious discussion. If readers can get past the knee jerk reactions I'm hoping a deep and thoughtful conversation will be started.
Take a read and share a thought
******Edited to add full article here******
A little while back I was hanging out on twitter when another mom with a biracial child tweeted she was thinking of relocating and asked for suggestions of places to move her family. I suggested Portland, Oregon since a few years ago I visited, loved it, and thought about moving there myself.
This mom sent a follow up tweet asking how “white” is Portland, Oregon because she wanted her kids to be surrounded by “black” people everywhere. At this point I should mention this mom is white.
I think she expected me to agree that half black children should be surrounded by the black community. Well, I certainly didn’t agree.
Our follow-up tweets over this issue snow balled into a uncomfortable place racially for both of us. As a result we no longer tweet, blog visit, or even side eye each other.
Oddly, I understood the intention behind her question. This mom wanted her sons, who have a black heritage, to be more exposed to the African American community since currently they live in a predominately white area. I got it, I really did. But her question still left a bad taste in my mouth and heart.
To think of intentional limiting a child’s exposure to one or two racial communities is a bit upsetting. It’s sorta like someone deliberately choosing a form of segregation. As a mom also of a biracial child, I can’t see moving to Korea or any Asian country just because he “appears” more Asian than black. While I hangout within the Asian community, I don’t share the desire to limit my son’s exposure to only Asians or what he “looks” like.
I see my son as part of the larger mixed race/biracial community and try to expose him to all those experiences.
But maybe I’m wearing rose colored glasses. Maybe sometimes children need to “see” people who look like them?
What do you think about deliberate segregation? Can it ever been beneficial?
While there are many websites trying to highlight interracial families, after interviewing them I felt they we're trying to do something different, something modern, something inclusive.
I guess I was right cause they asked me to guest blog on their website. Yeah, I know! What are they thinking! LOL.
You'd think after all the drama from some of my post about white women I'd be the last person they'd ask to to write for them. But they did...and despite my paranoia after what happened with the other IR website that asked me to blog for them, only to then keep me out in the fields, *ahem*, I accepted their offer.
My first article for them titled "Deliberately Choosing to Segregate Children" is sure to cause some drama. But I'm hoping it will also cause some serious discussion. If readers can get past the knee jerk reactions I'm hoping a deep and thoughtful conversation will be started.
Take a read and share a thought
******Edited to add full article here******
Deliberately Choosing to Segregate Children
A little while back I was hanging out on twitter when another mom with a biracial child tweeted she was thinking of relocating and asked for suggestions of places to move her family. I suggested Portland, Oregon since a few years ago I visited, loved it, and thought about moving there myself.
This mom sent a follow up tweet asking how “white” is Portland, Oregon because she wanted her kids to be surrounded by “black” people everywhere. At this point I should mention this mom is white.
I think she expected me to agree that half black children should be surrounded by the black community. Well, I certainly didn’t agree.
Our follow-up tweets over this issue snow balled into a uncomfortable place racially for both of us. As a result we no longer tweet, blog visit, or even side eye each other.
Oddly, I understood the intention behind her question. This mom wanted her sons, who have a black heritage, to be more exposed to the African American community since currently they live in a predominately white area. I got it, I really did. But her question still left a bad taste in my mouth and heart.
To think of intentional limiting a child’s exposure to one or two racial communities is a bit upsetting. It’s sorta like someone deliberately choosing a form of segregation. As a mom also of a biracial child, I can’t see moving to Korea or any Asian country just because he “appears” more Asian than black. While I hangout within the Asian community, I don’t share the desire to limit my son’s exposure to only Asians or what he “looks” like.
I see my son as part of the larger mixed race/biracial community and try to expose him to all those experiences.
But maybe I’m wearing rose colored glasses. Maybe sometimes children need to “see” people who look like them?
What do you think about deliberate segregation? Can it ever been beneficial?
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Blasian baby in the baby photo contest
I finally caving under the pressure to submit my son's photo into the Babytalk/Good Morning America cover contest for 2009. Since he was born I've heard I need to put him into contests and modeling.
I've been taking a strong stance against any of these suggestions.
Of course I think my son is adorable, and would love for the world to see his ultimate yumminess. But I'm sorta conflicted about pitting babies against each other. After all aren't all babies beautiful in there own way?
Well the answer should be yes. But it seems there's always some study done which supports popular opinion that mixed race babies are the cutest.
So can someone tell me why most baby photo contest tend to showoff mono-racial babies?
Is there a mixed race baby photo contest I'm not aware of that I should be entering? Because I'm not 100% on board with pitting my little mixie against single race babies. I don't think you can even offer a fair comparison.
I dunno...maybe I just look for issues with everything. After all this is suppose to be a positive and happy thing right? I mean if we get into the finals then we can get some great prizes along with exposure... exposure that will bring the reality of mixed race blasian babies to the masses! *insert diabolic laughter*
But wait...why is my little one the only blasian baby in this contest anyway?! I took some time to check thru the photos of the different babies just to see if I could find another biracial child.
Now I could be wrong cause some of those kids gave me pause... racial speaking...but for the sake of my argument I'm going to say I think he was the only black and asian child...so far. I can only hope I can talk another mom of a blasian into entering (www.parenting.com/babytalk/covercontes).
I feel entering this contest will be a good thing whether we win or not. If we don't put ourselves and our community out there for society to become aware then our voices and images will remain in the background. What a shame that would be.
I've been taking a strong stance against any of these suggestions.
Of course I think my son is adorable, and would love for the world to see his ultimate yumminess. But I'm sorta conflicted about pitting babies against each other. After all aren't all babies beautiful in there own way?
Well the answer should be yes. But it seems there's always some study done which supports popular opinion that mixed race babies are the cutest.
So can someone tell me why most baby photo contest tend to showoff mono-racial babies?
Is there a mixed race baby photo contest I'm not aware of that I should be entering? Because I'm not 100% on board with pitting my little mixie against single race babies. I don't think you can even offer a fair comparison.
I dunno...maybe I just look for issues with everything. After all this is suppose to be a positive and happy thing right? I mean if we get into the finals then we can get some great prizes along with exposure... exposure that will bring the reality of mixed race blasian babies to the masses! *insert diabolic laughter*
But wait...why is my little one the only blasian baby in this contest anyway?! I took some time to check thru the photos of the different babies just to see if I could find another biracial child.
Now I could be wrong cause some of those kids gave me pause... racial speaking...but for the sake of my argument I'm going to say I think he was the only black and asian child...so far. I can only hope I can talk another mom of a blasian into entering (www.parenting.com/babytalk/covercontes).
I feel entering this contest will be a good thing whether we win or not. If we don't put ourselves and our community out there for society to become aware then our voices and images will remain in the background. What a shame that would be.
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