Beach day parenting

My son just told me he's going to the beach with friends 😩

So I reminded him swimming in the ocean is very different then swimming at the pool.

Also gimme the names and contact info of the "group of friends" you going with in case you go missing. Cause.....

An adult-ish tween doctor visit

Today we had the yearly doctor visit. It was interesting.

Now that I have a tween the doctors questions are more....adultish....about sexual health etc. 😱🧑🏾‍⚕️

Gosh are we here already? Didn't I just give birth to my son? Is he ready for "sex" talk and prep already?! 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨🚫🙅🏾‍♀️

Afternoon fight to go outside

So my son. Every afternoon we go through this fight.

Me: Go outside and play
Him: No I don't wanna to.
Me: Why?
Him:.....
Me: Go outside.

Then he goes outside. Starts playing and having fun. Then don't wanna come in.

Everyday folks. Every. Day.

Parenting While in China

I know my USA friends are now getting up to start the day. But over here in Beijing, it's night time for me to sleep.

But before that, gotta video chat with my son. Cause parenting. 🤷🏽‍♀️ #travelingmoms #HeJustWantsToSeeMe #visitchina

Camp drama and bad words

My morning is starting with "drama" at my sons camp. Which really isn't. It more a matter of how I parent my son vs what people think I should do.

It's also about communication. I swear people don't say anything until things have gotten out of hand. Speak up sooner folks.

Apparently my son has been acting up in camp and saying "bad words". They said something yesterday but I feel it's been happening for a while.

And there is the issue. Y'all see this but don't tell me till he really over does it. So they maybe expect a serious reaction. But for me, I'm now hearing it so I'm semi chill.

Really my son is 10. Discipline ain't about yelling no more.

I ask what happened. He confess. I remind him how he should act. Follow up with no devices punishment. We done.

Going into the tween years, I have to treat my son like he got some sense. Cause HE needs to develop them or deal with what happens if he acts stupid. That's real life.

Time to use the men bathroom

This past weekend my son joined me to check out the NYTimes Travel Show. We were having fun until my son had to use the bathroom. While that's not usually a problem, this time the line at the ladies bathroom was way too long for him to wait.

So I had to let him use the men's bathroom. Something I've been putting off till he was older. Much older. Like 20 years old. Maybe

But this time my son couldn't wait.

So while looking him in the eye, I firmly requested he go in quickly, use the bathroom and COME RIGHT BACK OUTSIDE.

My son said OK and off he went.

Now he took less then a few minutes, but that whole time I stood there watching the door and listening. I'm not sure for what, but at the slightest indication something was wrong I WAS going IN the men's bathroom to get my son.

Thankfully my son came out with no problems. Matter of fact he was SO happy to finally use the "boys" bathroom. My son has been asking me for months to use the "boys" bathroom instead of going with me to the "girls". His reason? He's not girl!

*exasperated sigh*

Now that I've allowed him, I'm sure he'll insist on continuing to use the "boys" bathroom. But I'm no way ready to let him continue to do that. Especially not in a crowded area.

But really how long can I delay this? I'm stuck at a cross road.

What age did you allow your child to go into a public bathroom alone

Sleepy moment thoughts

As I usually do each morning, I rolled over and watched my son while he slept. As I watch him all sorts of thoughts ran around in my head.

My hopes for him. My fears for him. My promises to him that I need to keep.

We've been have these sleepy moments since before my son's birth. When I was pregant with him, I would lay in bed and talk/think to him. Sometimes verbal, sometimes non verbal using that connection forged between us in blood, skin and genetics.

When he was birthed, I continued enjoying these moments, but now I could gaze at his newly birth features in wonder. These sleepy moments were also a time to get a sneak peek into his thoughts and development.

It was in those moments that I saw his first smilies and heard his first words.

These sleepy moments are very special in other way. It's also during these moments when I take stock of our lives and my abilities as his mother.

Lately, I've also started taking notice of him and how much he's grown.

Right now he's at the crusph of a 4 y/o turning into a 5 y/o. I wonder what this new year and stage of life will mean for him.

I also wonder what it will mean for myself.

It's no secret that parenting is a challenge. While I don't complain or moan and groan about it, I can never deny that being a parent is to the bone painful. In some ways painful beautiful. In many ways painfully not.

But parents aren't the only ones going through growing pains. Our children go through them also.

Lately my son has been dealing with some growing pains of his own. I try to support him as much as I can, but in reality he must start figuring things out himself.

As his mom I worry and instictly always want to protect but...

My laundry helper is growing up

Today, I woke up nice and early to head to the public laundromat for a quick load of laundry. In our neighborhood you need to get in early, if you want to get the smaller and reasonable priced machines.

If you get to the laundromat late then you have to use one of the bigger over priced machines or wait and wait and wait for the smaller ones to become available.

This might not sound like a problem until one family comes with about 5 bags of laundry. 5 bags that they want to wash back to back leaving you waiting and waiting and waiting.

Yeah, I wasn't about to deal with that so I planned to head out early. But we all know how plans go when you have kids right?

My son decided he wanted to wake up early and come with me to the laundromat. Now that wasn't part of my plan. My plan was for him to stay at home with my sister and his grandma while I enjoy some quiet laundry time. He wasn't hearing that.

After a morning tantrum of tears....he was dressed and on his way to do laundry with me.

At the laundromat he helped put the blanket into the washer, helped put the coins in and tried helping put the laundry detergents in. Yeah right about there is when I cut off his "helping" privileges, and sent him to sit down with a video game.

The blanket was washed and dried without any fuss. We soon packed the blanket into the cart and got ready to head back home.

Right about then my son insisted on "helping" again. He wanted to push the cart. All by himself. With no help from me.

As I watched him push the cart I noticed how tall he has grown. Before the cart was taller then him and he needed my help to push and make turns. No more.

My son is now able to pushed the cart all the way home. By himself.
He turned around people and avoided side walk holes. By himself.
I can't believe how much he can now do. By himself.

Very soon he wont be a "helper" anymore.

Fixing a playdate going wrong

The play date was going good till the little girl kissed my son. Oh hell nah.

It ain't that kinda "date" little girl! Really are little girls THIS fast now? She's just 2 years!

To curb the kissing and other inappropriate play date behavior, we went outside to the park. There they acted like normal kids playing tag, climbing ladders and no kissing! #ProtectTheInnocence

Being That Selfish Mom Learning to Let Go

Ok, I'll admit it. I've been selfish. I'm not ashamed to admit it cause we all know it's true. I've been hoarding Daniel and all the cool things we've been doing to myself. Again. Even after I said I would share more. Again.

Are ya'll really going to blame me for not sharing? Wait. Don't answer that.

But really the ability of a mother to be selfish with her child I think is natural. There's that over protective thing the kicks in once we find out we're carrying a life. Once that life comes out I swear the selfishness "mine mine all mine" mind set kicks up another notch. I swear it does.

Truth be told I'm not sharing all the across the board. My family complains they don't get enough time with my son. My friends with kids complain I don't plan play dates with them anymore. Even my son's afternoon daycare complains I picked him up to early. That he doesn't get enough time to socialize with the other kids...and the teachers.

Excuse me?! I actually sorta got into with the daycare staff. I was all like....What wrong with a mother picking up her child earlier so she can spend more time with him? Didn't he do enough socializing with other kids and teachers at his morning school?! I'm not sure what they think of me now but they keep their thought to themselves and just frown when I pick him up. Early!

I admit, I'm slightly annoyed my son has to go to school anyway. LOL. No seriously. I've thought about home schooling. Seriously. I'm not a fan of the public school system, especially for a child with a learning delay. I'm not confidant they do all that they can. But that's a rant for another time.

I know, I'm a bit greedy with my son attention. I just want to enjoy it ALL myself as much as I can. While I can anyway. Soon enough I'll have to return back to work and no more mom and son fun days.

Even though I plan on working part time, there's still that break from each other. A break where someone else is trying to influence my son. Where other people are trying to make him see the world the way they want him to. I worry about that.

Everyday I try to get MY thoughts and views instilled in my son to counter whatever people outside are whispering in his ear.

I know I'm working against a ticking time clock. Soon, very soon another jolt of testosterone will kick in and my son will start pulling away from me. I see it already. The hugs and kisses are less now. The "No's" and "I" wants are more forcefully now.

Everyday he makes up his own mind about how he views life. Everyday he turns more into a male. Soon he'll be hanging out with other males and doing male things. Male things that don't allow for a mom need beyond feeding, clothing and drop off to some sport related place.

I know one day I'll have to let go. Or more like one day he'll pull away because I don't think I'll ever willing let him go. It's a mother's right to want to be selfish with her child.

But we can't hide them away. As much as we would love to. Eventually they have to live and function in this world.

My mom recently said similar words to me when I was sulking that my son had to return to school after his first spring break. I was literally sad. My mom called me out. Selfish. I don't deny it.

Then she explained how as parents we need to give space and allow our children to grow. I though that was a bit ironic coming from a women who still call her 38 year old daughter about 5 times a day. And texts me. More then 5 times a day. Hmm

But how do you start to let go? I thought I had started learning when my son started walking. Then when he started school. At all the different stages I thought I was learning about this letting go process. But each day that my son grows, that feeling of "Mine Mine All Mine" also grows within me and I feel like I learned NOTHING about letting go. Guess we'll have to wait and see what happens.

Meanwhile I really do need to update this blog so I have a record of the fun things we shared together (to obsess over) when THAT time comes.

Food and math connection

So my son is apparently ready to learn math. This morning he figured if I gave him 2 extra gummy bears (vitamins) then he's have 4. Huh.

So what amazed me the most is not that he can count (add in this case), but that it always takes food to help males focus. LOL

Thoughts toddler winter arts & crafts

Today at my son's daycare/preschool they had a winter festive with different arts and crafts for the kids. The parents were invited to tag along.

But after all the days and half days I took at work to do things for Daniel, my boss was done. No chance of her allowing me to leave early yet again.

So no arts and crafts for me. Thankfully Daniel was able to bring home all the crafts he did during the festival and share with me.

In the below video, I take them out one by one to share with you :) Hands down my favorite is the winter photo frame. :)

My Son's Winter Arts & Crafts Blasian Baby Notes



At the end of this vlog I shared my thoughts on how I feel as a working who misses school events like this. It's very hard to deal with when I can't be there to do school activities with my son. I always want to be there for my son but I know I need keep working to support us.

My only other choice is to find a rich man and becomes a house wife...not likely to happen....

Being a working mom can be frustrating at times like these. I know more moments like this will come as my son grows and his school require more parent interaction and support. Sometimes I wonder what schoosl think? Don't they know parents need to work to pay for school fees and trip cost?! How can I do both things?! Ugh

But then I remind myself I can only do what I can. Sometimes he's going to have me there and sometimes he's not.

Hopefully for those moments when I'm not there for some activity, we can share what he did after. During the "after" moments I can Oh and AH and I can tell him how proud I am of him.

Hopefully being there "after" can be just as good. Hopefully.

My Black Motherhood: Separate & Never Equal

Last night I sat talking to other black women about being a mom to a blasian child and an asian & black community advocate, when a white women walked over to our area.

She started gushing over my son and then turn to the group of white women sitting next to us, and asked which of the women (white) my son belonged to.

*blink, blink* (where's a hidden camera when you need one?!)

I should mention that my son was sitting in my lap, with my arms around him, playing on my ipod touch that has a case with a photo of us on it.

For all arguments sake it was clear he was with me.

As I looked at this women, who still seemed clueless when none of the white women claimed my son as their own (would they even dare?!), I wondered what she saw....or rather didn't see.

As I turned back to the black women I was talking to, three pairs of eyes collectively rolled together. I think we might have sighed also, but I can't remember.

I do remember the conversation that immediately followed the side eye all 3 of us gave that white women.

• A conversation with comments validating that my son looks just like me
• A conversation that validated that people don't take time to pay attention to anything besides skin-tone
• A conversation about how more people need to know that black women have biracial children that are a different hue, heck even a black mom with a black child can be different hues.

We had this conversation while that white women still stood there, being pointedly ignored by me. Let me tell you, it took most of my will power not to turn around and tell her how ignorant and stupid she sounded. But I've learned not to engage with people when the end result would be pointless.

My point was proven when this same white women, passed my son and I repeatedly during the night and never stopped to say anything, not a sorry for the misunderstanding, not a can I get to know you, not even a hello. Nothing, just kept looking at us and not speaking.

What's even more interesting is this women knows of me in the mom blogging world. We may not be friends in the same circle, but I'm certainly no stranger to her. So again I wondered what she saw....or rather didn't see.

What is it that people are NOT seeing when they look at me as women and mother? This was the thought on my mind as I looked around at the people also at the conference. They were mainly white. While that's nothing new at these types of events, as I entered the area where dinner was being served I felt uncomfortable.

As I looked around to see where my son and I can sit, I made eye contact with a certain high profile mom in the blogging world. The look in her eyes made it clear, in her mind, there's no place for me and my son at this event. I immediately lost my appetite.

As I walked back towards the exit, I said goodbye to the few that were friendly and pointedly ignored the others. Could I have stayed? Yes, I payed the fee to be at this conference, but which mom want to expose their child to people who are confused and unfriendly with a family that's different then their's?

That to me seems to be the answer to my question. People in that world still don't see me on the level with them.

Black motherhood is still a mystery, a black mother is still something to be kept as separate and an outsider. For the last 2.5 years in the mom blog world, I've held my tongue, played nice and paid my dues when dealing with rudeness, discrimination and sometimes out right hostility.

In the end for what?

At an event where I'm suppose to be part of a community of influencers, I'm reminded my "motherhood" influence doesn't apply to them.

Fast forwarding through childhood

Today at daycare I received two items that made me realize, how fast my son's childhood is passing me by. While I'm excited to see him grow and learn to do new things, I feel like it's all happening in leaps and bounds.

Fast Childhood Thoughts | Blasian Baby Notes



BTW, I made sure to fix Daniel's "face" right after making the video so don't worry.

Behind the Judgment of Strangers

Everyone loves a baby right? I told myself this was the reason behind why strangers felt the need to comment on my parenting. Unsolicited!

While I admit some comments are helpful...sadly most are not.

Some comments are down right mean and nasty. One man told me "some people shouldn't have kids" after I tried to stop my son from crying...and failed. What's the deal with comments like these?!

Oddly enough it took another stranger who helped me understand why I get some gutty comments. After a full day of activity we jumped on the bus to head back home. Apparently Daniel chose this moment to make poo in his diaper. I don't have to tell you that fresh poo smells.

One women felt the need to tell me he went in his diaper. Hmm. I replied I know but nothing I can do until we get home. She gave me a look but said nothing else. Another women while getting off the bus started speaking to her in Spanish. I don't have to understand Spanish to know they we're talking about me and my son. After she leaves the first women felt the need to tell me...

Spanish WM #1: She was talking about you and how your not doing anything for him. That by the time you take him home it will be to late.

Me: *sigh* We're on our home. What did she want? For me to change him on the bus?

Spanish WM #1: I told her to mind her business. Unless she's willing to go buy the diapers and wipes then she should be quiet.

Me: *nodding and thinking that's the end of it*

Spanish WM #1: I hate people like that. People always have something to say. You know what it is...she just looks at him and doesn't see you. She thinks he's not yours and so wants to talk about you.

Me: *light bulb moment*

I'm going stop the conversation right there. That woman doesn't know it but she made my life both easier and hardier. Nice to know that people attack me because they think I'm the nanny...not the mother. Seems being perceived as the nanny automatically gives strangers the right to judge me and share nasty comments.

That's an interesting issue. If my son was brown like me would people turn a blind eye when he cries? If I was a white mom would I get supportive comments and the smile that says "I know how it is"? If I was Spanish like that women would she have been quiet? Hmm.

Late Talkers : Are Experts & Family Right?

We recently went to visit Grandma. My sister texted me a few days back that my mother was worried and missing Daniel. *rolling my eyes* Mind you my mother never called me to say any of this.

I thought about planning a weekend visit but since we're in the middle of Chinese New Year weekends are no good. My son has a busy schedule of activities. LOL.

For the most part the visit was fine. I sat down in a corner and let my Mom, sister and my Uncle chase Daniel around the place with hugs and kisses. In truth I could have just dropped him off, since they're not interested in me. LOL

As Daniel did his thing trying to help Grandma clean and cook, my mother started telling me about my sister friends son. She went on about how he can talk and say certain words very clear. My mom felt it's cause he was in daycare and suggested I put Daniel back in daycare so he can talk faster. Hmm.

Later my uncle also brought up the daycare issue. He hinted that I'm holding my son back. Double Hmm.

Since Daniel turned 1yr I've been fielding the "Is he talking" questions left and right. I'm always hearing about some wonder 1yr old child that can say the whole alphabet, count to 10 and speak in complete sentences.

Some people suggest I'm not doing enough to encourage him to talk more. Other's suggest it's because he's a boy and therefore slower to do things. Hmm.

Goodness, people are always rushing children to do things. I've come to learned that Daniel does things when he's ready. He sat up, rolled over, semi crawled and walked when HE wanted to. I just had to wait.

But to be on the safe side I did some reading but even the experts claim boys are slow in some areas of development. While I don't agree with the "boys are slower" way of thinking, it was comforting to read that some kids are late talker and it's normal.

What's ironic is that Daniel does know how to talk. I caught him saying words and I swear he asked me "where we going" the other night. But I admit he's not very motivated to really speak. I confess I'm partially to blame. I'm so good at reading his gestures and hand signs that I forget to encourage him to "speak" his needs.

Since this month I'm job hunting...yes again...Daniel will return to daycare anyway. I'm sure this will help him develop faster in some areas. Soon I'll blog about not being able to hush him up. LOL

Learning how to parent alone

Parenting alone is a scary thing. I'll be the first to admit it. Yes, I did choose to be a single parent, but that doesn't make it any easier.

Parenting is still hard work!

Now that Daniel and I are "officially" on our own, after moving away from my family, I'm trying to learn to do things on my own as a parent.

In one ways it's a wonderful thing to be free to train and raise my son in my own way. No more bickering about what he's eating, wearing, or doing. The first and final say is mine!

But in other ways it's a little stressful not to have a little backup when I need it. Now if I need something from the store I have to dress Daniel and take him. Doesn't matter if it's cold, rainy or late night.

Also what little free time I use to have is all gone. From morning to night Daniel demands my attention. Now I am his sole distraction and playmate.

The one area I find this being a real problem is when I need to blog. Trying to develop a thought has become a challenge when I constantly have to stop and tend to him in some way.

Writing one blog use to take me a few hours now it takes me a whole day. Since I'm already backup in some areas blog-wise you can see how frustrating this is becoming.

Some paying blog projects have deadlines and if I cant meet the deadlines then there's no payment. That's not acceptable.

As a single parent one of the scariest things is the fear I can't provide for my son. From food to medical I need to be able to cover these basics. If I can't then panic will set in.

Matter of fact Linda, a blog friend, who's a single mom through adoption, recently wrote "Therapy Thursday - Are my Hot Thoughts Killing Me" about having such a panic attack when she couldn't find a medical bill to pay. (www.newyorkcitysinglemom.com/2010/01/therapy-thursday-are-my-hot-thoughts.html)

In that blog Linda outline some ways to focus and reduce the panicking feeling when going through an anxiety attack.

I found that info so helpful. As a single mom I do need "tools" to help me figure things out. What I learned from my own family wont work for us since I want to parent differently.

I want to learn how to parent so I can figure out what works best for MY family.

As his mom, I do know best

My family always has something to say about what I allow my son to do and not to do. Always a criticism that I won't let him do anything. I'm always hovering, I'm too strict, on and on.

I wonder what they think the role of a mom is after all?

Today I noticed my son playing with his bottle of Aveeno Baby Wash and Shampoo. Normally I take it right away cause I don't want him associating certain things as play items. But today I was a bit tired and since it's a click to open cap I decided to let him play with it. Big mistake!

A few moments later he's oddly quiet, so I look over to where he is...and see him licking his hand. I'm like what is he licking? I gave him nothing. Then I notice the top is off and the bottle is laying on its side seeping the gel out onto the table. Ugh!

As I walk over to him, to make sure he hasn't drank any of the gel, I'm so mad at myself! Why don't I just listen to myself. I know what's best for my son so I should just stand my damn ground.

I'm so sick and tired of hearing unasked for comments from people who always think they know better then the mother of the child. I always ask...are you going to go to the hospital with him when something go wrong? No? Then leave me alone.

Of course my family just continues annoying me until I lose it and yell at them. LOL. Then they grumble under their breaths, but you know what...I stop caring months ago.

As I wash my son's mouth out with water, cause he did lick some of th gel, but not alot thank goodness since he didn't like the taste, I realize I'd much rather continue fighting with them, then be sitting in the emergency room.