Rebooting angel kid and all my files

How did my son start off the day being a little angel only to end it as a little devil? When did someone switch my sweet little boy and replaced him with a bundle of mischief?!

The day started so good. Daniel kept my company while I made breakfast and planned the days activity. He sat so nicely reading while I ran around getting things ready.

Then later when we went to the post office. I am so proud that Daniel is turning more into a big boy. Our post office trip was the first time WITHOUT the stroller.

Yup, Daniel walked from where we lived to the post office. He held my hand and walked along for all of the 5 blocks.

Then he stood nice on line at the post office. That is until he decided I needed forms for my packages. Then off he went to get them. He was so wonderful trying to help by getting me forms for my packages.

True I didn't need any of the forms, but I didn't want to point that out. I didn't mind the running back and forth cause it kept him happy and quiet. LOL

Also, his running around provided entertainment for the other people waiting on line. We all laughed as we watched Daniel and forgot about how long we were waiting.

So after all that how did things take a turn to the worse?

I became so angry tonight, I wanted to take him to his father's job and drop him off for a long while. Why? Because, while I was in another room, my son snuck over to the computer and rebooted it. Again. This time somehow the reboot reformatted my USB drive that was still attached.

I check the USB drive as many different ways I could think of but nothing, nada, zip, no files. I didn't know what to do. 100's of photos, documents, vids and projects I had started and hoped to finish deleted. Just. Like. That. I was so angry.

After few hours I realized a few things.

• First and foremost, Daniel is banned from touching the PC whenever I'm working on it.
• Second, is that I'm more sad about losing memories and moments in Daniel life.

Yes, I'm sad about losing photos and info from blog events but I can find a work around for that. There is no work around for losing that moment when Daniel discovery a leaf for the first time. *sniff*

But this is the life we live. Things are not guaranteed. We can try to save moments in different ways but the best way to remember something is by living in that moment and not waiting to enjoy later.

Life might be rebooted for you and then what?

Mommy Bathroom Time - Dear Kid

It's time for you to allow mommy some private all alone bathroom time.

Dear Daniel

I understand that you like to follow me around to make sure your not missing anything exciting...or eatable. But the bathroom is/has been/and will remain off limits to you until your potty trained...or it's bath time.

Please stop trying to open the door. Please also stop banging on said door when you can't find a way to open it. Most important please stop making a scene until mommy is forced to peak out the bathroom to check that everything is OK.

I hope you will soon understand this is about mommy needing someplace where she is not being "mommy".

Love you always,
Your Umma

Multiracial Support at Loving Day Benefit Concert

A few weeks ago I attended Loving Day's Benefit Concert 2009 to mix and mingl with others who also came out in support of Loving Day, a global network that fights racial prejudice through education and builds multicultural community.

That night Broadway in South Africa (www.broadwayinsouthafrica.org), featuring cast members from Wicked, The Lion King, Rent, and more would perform along with, Koba (www.kobasounds.com) a radical hip-hop vocalist/producer from Harlem, New York and Pedro da Silva and Lucia Caruso of Manhattan Camerata (www.manhattancamerata.com) at the super cool and trendy Drom Lounge and Restaurant (www.dromnyc.com)

Now that alone is a good reason to go hangout with the Loving Day crew but after all the drama in the news about the interracial couple denied a marriage license ...well I wanted to be with my community.

At times like that when a basic social right...to get married...can be denied because of a person racial background the world can be a scary place. If the right to get married can be denied then what next? The right for a mother to bear a biracial child? It's not that far a jump.

Many people think that racial awareness and tolerance have come a long way. In some ways this is true but this recent event shows that there's still alot to be done. I read why this couples license was denied and it further scared me.

Bardwell said he's not a racist, he came to the conclusion that most of black society does not readily accept offspring of such relationships, and neither does white society, he said.

"I don't do interracial marriages because I don't want to put children in a situation they didn't bring on themselves," Bardwell said. "In my heart, I feel the children will later suffer."

As a black mother of a biracial child these kinds of comments worry me. We're living in a time where a biracial /half black child has become president but yet some people still think half black children will suffer in life. It tiring to fight against beliefs like that alone.

Organizations like Loving Day (www.lovingday.org), Swirl (swirlinc.wordpress.com), Mavin (www.mavinfoundation.org)and other are key as faces of the multiracial community on a large scale.

I worry that without them the fight to live in this world would be so much hardier. I'm grateful to know them and to know that they stand with me to keep spreading awareness for all the different multiracial communities.

Recovering from the disconnect

So I'm on facebook trying to catch up with what's happening in my community and finding that I'm so disconnected from everything. I don't know when it happened but I'm no longer tapped in to what's happening with most of my friends.

I'm now hearing about new blasian babies born recently, babies I knew are closer to being toddlers, while others moms are planning to expand their families. I should have been in the mix of things welcoming each new addition to the blasian family, sharing stories of life with a toddler or giving support for plans of a new baby.

But no! I've been distracted with increasing my status as a mom blogger with stats to show and all that.

But when did that happen? When did I let go of my link to the asian black community to grab hold of the "mommy bloggers" community? What is my focus? What happened to all the community projects I had planned? Where are the interviews of asian and black couples I wanted to start highlighting? Where are my posts from my blasian playdates?

I just seem to have gotten distracted and let some things fall thru the crack

I feel so bad! Connecting with people is where I find the most satisfaction. My joy comes from sharing stories, experinces and laughter. Sharing was the whole motivating force behind me blogging in the first place. I must get back to that!

I'm His Mommy, Not His Nanny

Hello, out there! I am the half Korean/half black mother of a 2 year old boy. My son's father is Scottish and Assyrian. My son is a delectable mix of us both and his heritages show on his beautiful face.

Guest Writer: Sheila Greene-Dartley

I'm finally getting around to posting (thanks to Nikki for inviting me) and am sorry it took me so long. I used to blog quite often before I had my son, but now that he's a toddler and asserting his independence, I'm allowed the odd moment to myself.

I live in a predominantly melanin-deficient area of NYC where most of the non-white/namely black-and-brown faces you see belong to either home caretakers or nannies. Nevermind that grew up here- that I have lived in the same place for 30+ years of my life. This is all irrelevant because people just can't imagine that I could possibly live here, or that my son, who incidentally looks just like me, is my son.

I've had more than a few incidences that got my blood boiling. One of my favorites (and the most recent) happened about a month ago. I was in the playground with my son and was supervising him as he climbed on a structure. There were many kids climbing too. This woman comes over with her son and starts saying to me, "Oh, I know his parents" as she gestures to a child who, of course is not my son. I just say, "Oh...okay...." and go about my business. Then she says, "Are you with him?" - meaning the little boy. I tell her that no, I am with him, gesturing toward William. I assume that she'll "get" that William is my son, being that he looks like me and all. She asks me if he has a brother and I tell her he doesn't, thinking that's the end of the conversation.

A few days later, we're in the same playground. This time my husband, who is white, is with me. I sit down on the benches (William had broken my toe...!) and William and my husband play together about 2 yards away from me. The same women ambles by with her son and starts talking to my husband. It went something like this (some paraphrasing, but this is the jist):

Woman: Oh, I saw him the other day (meaning William). Does he have a brother?
Husband: No, he doesn't.
Woman: Oh- there's a little boy who looks just like him. I was talking to his babysitter the other day...
Husband: Maybe you mean his grandmother...? (He'd heard the story from me already and knew where this was going but was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt)
Woman: (insistent) No, no...his babysitter...

...and me, sitting about 2 yards away on the bench. So not only am I the babysitter, but I'm the faceless babysitter.

Some people don't get my outrage about this. They don't understand how annoying it is when people think that your child, the one that you birthed with your own body, is not your own. It's hurtful, angering and frustrating.

If you're not the mother of a biracial/multiracial child/non-white child, then try to open your mind and your eyes a bit before you comment.

Why a box to check doesn't matter

Recently, a friend of mine asked me what I wanted my children to consider themselves as in race. I told her in my home I have no box to check for race...you are who you are.

Guest Writer: Yun Grant

This conversation got me thinking that as they got older they will need to check a box whether for employment or for medical reasons.

I want my children to grow up knowing that they are in fact a person and not defined by "box" to check for race. Yes, they are half West Indian and half Korean, BUT that is only their heritage.

They are BLACK when it comes to the color of their skin. When people look at them, they will see black children...yes they look mixed, but everyone will know that they are BLACK.

I want them to love their black skin, the texture of their hair, their beautiful full lips and noses...everything that makes them unique and beautiful.

What I do not want is for them to feel shunned by the Korean community because they do not have the fair skin, flat faces, and pin straight hair. I do not want them feeling as though they are beneath anyone.

My children are not denying me or my heritage. They are just being themselves. They are being who we, my husband and I, are raising them to be.

I don't feel jilted in any way. I am, however, proud to be their mother.

Conclusion of the Dol Janji Search

So after all the back and forth with Paula in Korea, the running around in H-Mart Korean supermarkets and stores, the hours of online research plus bugging all my friends for any info about these items....I have finally decided to give up.  

While it was fun to go shopping and surf online for info, ultimately I was repeatedly coming to semi-dead ends.  No matter how hopefully a lead was,  I still couldn't find the actual items here in the USA.

How is that possible anyway?  I looked everywhere and asked everyone I could think of...still nothing.  I can not understand why the Dol Janji are not found in one of the NYC korean towns.

I mean I know those korean parents do something for their kids 1st birthday!

So in the end I came back to the same choice I started with...I could pay the $50 dollar shipping to have Paula ship what she found to me...something she kept trying to talk me out of...or I could just find some items myself and do a homemade tol ceremony, like all my asian friends suggested.

As I think about it, this seems the way to go...I can still honor Daniel's korean heritage plus save some money.  Which is a very good thing since I have so little of it these days.