Today when grandma came to visit and share family gossip about your aunt's (my sister's) pregnancy, she reminded me of the time I was pregnant with you. We reminisced how I knew right away I was pregnant and how it was exciting news for the family. You don't know this but the family has been waiting for me to have a child for the longest time.
But in my mind and heart I wasn't ready yet. What was I waiting on? I'm not sure but when I met your dad and started planning for you, it seems the right time for me. Both my heart and mind agreed so your dad and I conceived you.
But being pregnant with you had an interesting twist. Your dad and I would try and guess whether you'd be female or male. He said male, I said female. I felt 110 % that you'd be a little girl with curly hair, dimples and a caramel skin-tone. I planned on braiding your hair, helping you play with dolls and when you were older explaining the mystery of men to you.
So imagine my surprise when at my 2nd sonogram I saw something I wasn't expecting on my girl baby. Then the 3 little words I didn't expect to hear was said. It's a Boy!
I wont lie to you my son, I nearly cried. I asked the technician if she was sure even thought I clearly saw your defining male anatomy. She pointed to the same area I was staring at in disbelief and firmly said...Yes, It's a boy.
My mom reminded me of that moment. When she saw how disappointed I was, she wondered how it would be for me when you were born. Well 3 years later, she laughs at it and her worry. Do you know why?
Because I am proud to have a son!
Yes, it took me some time to adjust to the world of little boys and the craziness that come with it. Why you run around jumping on things I'll never figure out. But I admit it's fun to watch. I enjoy that you bring such joy and excitement to everything you do. I love your fearlessness, even though sometimes it give me extra gray hair.
I love that your not afraid of bugs, getting dirty or dancing around outside on a snowy day.....like you did today. I enjoy playing with your trains or building blocks high, only to turn around and knock them down. I enjoy your hugs, even though it feels like you have me in a headlock.
I even enjoy watching your assertive personality develop. Yes I admit I was miffed when you started telling me NO or demanding I should COME ON when your ready to go outside. But I understand it's the testosterone making you talk like you aint got no sense!
As I watch the little man in you develop, I have no regrets about you not being a girl. The bond we share as mother and son is solid and I can't imagine my world without you. Everyday you inspire me in so many ways and make me proud to say I gave birth to a son. You are MY SON and I'll love you always. Don't ever forget that.
Love you always,
Your Umma
