Letting go of final baby moments

Today as I checked my calendar I noticed that my son has turned 18 months. Wow. Just 6 more months and he'll be 2yrs old and fully outside the "baby" stage.

In truth he's already into the toddler stage but during this twilight time frame I can still claim he's my baby. But soon I wont be able to...

As I stood there looking at my scribble in the calendar I once again started the mourning tears. Gosh I thought I dealt with this when he turned 1 yr. But here I am again shedding tears for the loss of a section of my son's babyhood.

It just seems like its all happening so fast...somehow he's picking up speed and moving further and further away from me. At this rate that dreaded day where he'll be old enough to branch out on his own will be here before I'm prepared.

Lawd help this mother cope!

Why all the worry and sadness? Well, it's not like my family has prepared me for dealing with this.

It's sad to say but my family has issues of codependency.

Branching out on your own as an independent is sorta frowned upon. Heck, its downright discouraged. We haven't been taught the healthiness of becoming your own person.

I had to leave home at 18, damn near run away, to discover who I am as a person...separate from my family and their expectations.

I don't want that to happen to my son. I want him to become his own little entity without hangups. With each developmental stage I want to be proud and supportive as he takes steps to find his place in the world.

So I shed my tears and mourn my loss, but I do not try to hold on...

Change is Good - Dear Kid

I noticed that you were getting a bit cranky and clingy as I finished packing up our things today.

Dear Daniel

I know you sense a change is happening and it might be scary. Living with my family is all that you've know during your early life. But sweetie we can't and shouldn't live with them for much longer.

I know your too young to understand about change, but it's a good and healthy part of life. Your growing and you need your own space and home. I want to give you a stable environment and life not filled with drama and stress.

This is something your dad and I didn't have while growing up and we promised to give that to you. For my part I'm going to keep that promise and finally move out and on from living with my family.

I'm excited to finally start our life as a family. It's ok that it's just the two of us.

It will be a bit rough to start but mommy promises it will get better. Have faith in me and this decision.

Now please let go of my leg so I can finish packing.

Love you always,
Your Umma

Start of self potty training

My son is jumping around and then runs over to the bathroom trying to open door. WTH?

I had to ask him in jest, you wanna go potty?

About 3 min later. I smell the result of poo in diaper. He DID have to go potty.

Jokes on me that my 17month son is self potty training!

Rebooting angel kid and all my files

How did my son start off the day being a little angel only to end it as a little devil? When did someone switch my sweet little boy and replaced him with a bundle of mischief?!

The day started so good. Daniel kept my company while I made breakfast and planned the days activity. He sat so nicely reading while I ran around getting things ready.

Then later when we went to the post office. I am so proud that Daniel is turning more into a big boy. Our post office trip was the first time WITHOUT the stroller.

Yup, Daniel walked from where we lived to the post office. He held my hand and walked along for all of the 5 blocks.

Then he stood nice on line at the post office. That is until he decided I needed forms for my packages. Then off he went to get them. He was so wonderful trying to help by getting me forms for my packages.

True I didn't need any of the forms, but I didn't want to point that out. I didn't mind the running back and forth cause it kept him happy and quiet. LOL

Also, his running around provided entertainment for the other people waiting on line. We all laughed as we watched Daniel and forgot about how long we were waiting.

So after all that how did things take a turn to the worse?

I became so angry tonight, I wanted to take him to his father's job and drop him off for a long while. Why? Because, while I was in another room, my son snuck over to the computer and rebooted it. Again. This time somehow the reboot reformatted my USB drive that was still attached.

I check the USB drive as many different ways I could think of but nothing, nada, zip, no files. I didn't know what to do. 100's of photos, documents, vids and projects I had started and hoped to finish deleted. Just. Like. That. I was so angry.

After few hours I realized a few things.

• First and foremost, Daniel is banned from touching the PC whenever I'm working on it.
• Second, is that I'm more sad about losing memories and moments in Daniel life.

Yes, I'm sad about losing photos and info from blog events but I can find a work around for that. There is no work around for losing that moment when Daniel discovery a leaf for the first time. *sniff*

But this is the life we live. Things are not guaranteed. We can try to save moments in different ways but the best way to remember something is by living in that moment and not waiting to enjoy later.

Life might be rebooted for you and then what?

Mommy Bathroom Time - Dear Kid

It's time for you to allow mommy some private all alone bathroom time.

Dear Daniel

I understand that you like to follow me around to make sure your not missing anything exciting...or eatable. But the bathroom is/has been/and will remain off limits to you until your potty trained...or it's bath time.

Please stop trying to open the door. Please also stop banging on said door when you can't find a way to open it. Most important please stop making a scene until mommy is forced to peak out the bathroom to check that everything is OK.

I hope you will soon understand this is about mommy needing someplace where she is not being "mommy".

Love you always,
Your Umma