This morning we had another wrestling sessions over you wanting to nurse and me not letting you.
Dear Daniel
I cant figure out what happened to the self weaning stage you went thru a few months back. We were doing so well. You were down to just night time nursing and some nights didn't even need it. But after the move we're back to you trying to nurse all the time. Hmm.
Please try and understand it's not that mommy doesn't want to comfort you. I know you nurse when your upset about something but we need to find other ways to calm you. I've tried hugging and rocking, singing and dancing ad even as a last resort...bribing with raisins. So far your favorite soothing method is the raisins but they will only last 1.05oz worth. Hmm
So for now we'll negotiate the nursing schedule. I'll allow it at night so I don't have to worry what the neighbors think of a child crying his headoff. Plus I want to get some sleep. But you have to ease up on the reaching in my shirt to grab a boobie when we're outside. Deal?
Love you always,
Your Umma
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Our Blasian Shout-Out on YouTube
A few days ago I was contacted by Naomi on YouTube. Usually when people find one of my videos they'll send me a msg. The msgs are usually from another mother with a blasian child or from a blasian person.
Of course they all want to say how adorable Daniel is. LOL.
But this note from Naomi was a bit different since she wanted to make a shoutout video for both me and Daniel.
I wasn't sure what would be in Naomi's shoutout video but after watching them I was stunned. Naomi doesnt know this but just by making that simple video she has done an amazing thing. Through that video she will spread awareness to others about
Watching Naomi's shoutout video brought me to tears. I never know how the things I do and blog about touches others. Sometimes I wonder if anyone outside my community even really cares.
As I heard Naomi make comment's about blog posts I've written, product reviews I've done and how wonderful is was to see a mother documenting moments in a child life...I am encouraged to keep doing what I do.
Thank you Naomi!
Of course they all want to say how adorable Daniel is. LOL.
But this note from Naomi was a bit different since she wanted to make a shoutout video for both me and Daniel.
I wasn't sure what would be in Naomi's shoutout video but after watching them I was stunned. Naomi doesnt know this but just by making that simple video she has done an amazing thing. Through that video she will spread awareness to others about
- Black women who date Asian men,
- Families with biracial children or family members who have biracial children
- Racial tolerance and acceptance
Watching Naomi's shoutout video brought me to tears. I never know how the things I do and blog about touches others. Sometimes I wonder if anyone outside my community even really cares.
As I heard Naomi make comment's about blog posts I've written, product reviews I've done and how wonderful is was to see a mother documenting moments in a child life...I am encouraged to keep doing what I do.
Thank you Naomi!
Friday, January 29, 2010
Learning how to parent alone
Parenting alone is a scary thing. I'll be the first to admit it. Yes, I did choose to be a single parent, but that doesn't make it any easier.
Parenting is still hard work!
Now that Daniel and I are "officially" on our own, after moving away from my family, I'm trying to learn to do things on my own as a parent.
In one ways it's a wonderful thing to be free to train and raise my son in my own way. No more bickering about what he's eating, wearing, or doing. The first and final say is mine!
But in other ways it's a little stressful not to have a little backup when I need it. Now if I need something from the store I have to dress Daniel and take him. Doesn't matter if it's cold, rainy or late night.
Also what little free time I use to have is all gone. From morning to night Daniel demands my attention. Now I am his sole distraction and playmate.
The one area I find this being a real problem is when I need to blog. Trying to develop a thought has become a challenge when I constantly have to stop and tend to him in some way.
Writing one blog use to take me a few hours now it takes me a whole day. Since I'm already backup in some areas blog-wise you can see how frustrating this is becoming.
Some paying blog projects have deadlines and if I cant meet the deadlines then there's no payment. That's not acceptable.
As a single parent one of the scariest things is the fear I can't provide for my son. From food to medical I need to be able to cover these basics. If I can't then panic will set in.
Matter of fact Linda, a blog friend, who's a single mom through adoption, recently wrote "Therapy Thursday - Are my Hot Thoughts Killing Me" about having such a panic attack when she couldn't find a medical bill to pay. (www.newyorkcitysinglemom.com/2010/01/therapy-thursday-are-my-hot-thoughts.html)
In that blog Linda outline some ways to focus and reduce the panicking feeling when going through an anxiety attack.
I found that info so helpful. As a single mom I do need "tools" to help me figure things out. What I learned from my own family wont work for us since I want to parent differently.
I want to learn how to parent so I can figure out what works best for MY family.
Parenting is still hard work!
Now that Daniel and I are "officially" on our own, after moving away from my family, I'm trying to learn to do things on my own as a parent.
In one ways it's a wonderful thing to be free to train and raise my son in my own way. No more bickering about what he's eating, wearing, or doing. The first and final say is mine!
But in other ways it's a little stressful not to have a little backup when I need it. Now if I need something from the store I have to dress Daniel and take him. Doesn't matter if it's cold, rainy or late night.
Also what little free time I use to have is all gone. From morning to night Daniel demands my attention. Now I am his sole distraction and playmate.
The one area I find this being a real problem is when I need to blog. Trying to develop a thought has become a challenge when I constantly have to stop and tend to him in some way.
Writing one blog use to take me a few hours now it takes me a whole day. Since I'm already backup in some areas blog-wise you can see how frustrating this is becoming.
Some paying blog projects have deadlines and if I cant meet the deadlines then there's no payment. That's not acceptable.
As a single parent one of the scariest things is the fear I can't provide for my son. From food to medical I need to be able to cover these basics. If I can't then panic will set in.
Matter of fact Linda, a blog friend, who's a single mom through adoption, recently wrote "Therapy Thursday - Are my Hot Thoughts Killing Me" about having such a panic attack when she couldn't find a medical bill to pay. (www.newyorkcitysinglemom.com/2010/01/therapy-thursday-are-my-hot-thoughts.html)
In that blog Linda outline some ways to focus and reduce the panicking feeling when going through an anxiety attack.
I found that info so helpful. As a single mom I do need "tools" to help me figure things out. What I learned from my own family wont work for us since I want to parent differently.
I want to learn how to parent so I can figure out what works best for MY family.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Blasian families are not a rarity
Today we made our usual trip to the laundromat. While waiting for the clothes to wash I followed Daniel as he walked around. As we walked past a black women asked "what is he mixed with"? I thought, that's a new spin on the "is that your baby"? question.
As I looked at her cooing at my son I could tell she was just curious. Besides, she also had a baby boy in a stroller. From his curly hair I suspected he might be biracial.
So I told her my son is half Korean. She replied "I knew he was half Asian, my daughter is half Filipino". Once again I was found by another black mother with a blasian child.
Being found by mothers with blasian children is happening to me more and more. Usually they find me online through facebook or the blog. I'm always amazed and proud when that happens. For so long I've been the one doing the stalking of other mothers. Now it's time for me to be stalked. LOL.
But even as I meet other mothers I still deal with people thinking my community is a "rarity". When I talk about my community to other people they have a hard time seeing it. I think some people think I talk and write about race as a hobby instead of a real life experience.
A few times I've seen comments on my blogs where people say a black women with a half Asian child is so "rare, special or unique". Hmm. I don't agree with all of that.
Neither my son or I are some sort of mutated species of humanity. I doubt people realize what they're saying or what labeling us "rare" implies.
I recently wrote a blog about how people should take the red pill (hat tip to the Matrix movies) so they can SEE the blasian community because we're not some secret sect. Blasian are everywhere and I'm sure part of many people's family tree.
Not to mention at the rate that asians and blacks are making blasian babies we're a growing force in the population. It's exciting to see!
After chatting with this other mother of a blasian child I came home encouraged. We both prove that blasian families are far from being a rarity.
As I looked at her cooing at my son I could tell she was just curious. Besides, she also had a baby boy in a stroller. From his curly hair I suspected he might be biracial.
So I told her my son is half Korean. She replied "I knew he was half Asian, my daughter is half Filipino". Once again I was found by another black mother with a blasian child.
Being found by mothers with blasian children is happening to me more and more. Usually they find me online through facebook or the blog. I'm always amazed and proud when that happens. For so long I've been the one doing the stalking of other mothers. Now it's time for me to be stalked. LOL.
But even as I meet other mothers I still deal with people thinking my community is a "rarity". When I talk about my community to other people they have a hard time seeing it. I think some people think I talk and write about race as a hobby instead of a real life experience.
A few times I've seen comments on my blogs where people say a black women with a half Asian child is so "rare, special or unique". Hmm. I don't agree with all of that.
Neither my son or I are some sort of mutated species of humanity. I doubt people realize what they're saying or what labeling us "rare" implies.
I recently wrote a blog about how people should take the red pill (hat tip to the Matrix movies) so they can SEE the blasian community because we're not some secret sect. Blasian are everywhere and I'm sure part of many people's family tree.
Not to mention at the rate that asians and blacks are making blasian babies we're a growing force in the population. It's exciting to see!
After chatting with this other mother of a blasian child I came home encouraged. We both prove that blasian families are far from being a rarity.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Phantom presence of my baby daddy
I talk very little about my son's father. I'm not trying to hide anything or keep secrets, it's more that there's nothing really to share.
Currently he hasn't made any efforts to be part of his son's life. I did email him last xmas a photo of our son with Santa. That was my small steps towards trying to include him.
But no return response came back from his side....cyber or real life. So I've accepted that's how it is and I've gone on living. But still his phantom presence lingers
I see him everyday in my son from the way he smiles to the way he scratches his head when he's upset/tired/bored. The head scratching/rubbing is SO his dad's trait.
While he mostly has my features, there's no denying his fathers asian "mark" on my son. I wondered if as my son grew he would become more "black" looking. I've accepted it aint gonna happen.
Except for his legs becoming a darker shade of caramel and his hair becoming just a bit more curly....he still has asian features.
As my son grows he's going to become aware that's he's different looking then mommy...what then? I've been thinking about this since he was born. I've tried to lay a base of examples through books, TV shows and taking him to different culture events.
I hope he will understand from a young age that the world is made of many different people and it's a good thing to be from different cultures. But still I worry it might not be enough.
At a recent single mom support group there was a guest speaker, a clinical psychologist who specializes in family therapy and parent/child relationships, who came to speak to the moms about "Connection & Conflict In Separated And Divorced Couples." I went to cover the event for the blog but ended up taking part in the discussion.
I shared how lately I've been thinking of once again trying to make contact with my son's dad, but the thought of dealing with conflict holds me back.
My son's father and I didn't exactly breakup on good terms. Nor did we have good communications after the breakup. For weeks after over emails, voice mail and txt msg we fought bitterly. But really when it comes to our son what does it matter? Can't we find a successful way to co-parent the child we both wanted so badly!?
I discussed the pros and cons with the moms and psychologist. Having his father in his life would help him see why he looks different and let him know he's part of someone else. But having a father who's struggling with issue of maturity and alcoholism might be damaging. Can he teach my son how to be a man and father from his example?
In the end it's up to me and what I want for my son. What that is...Im still struggling with. But I feel I need to decide soon cause I cant deal with the unresolved haunting presence of my son's father for much longer
Currently he hasn't made any efforts to be part of his son's life. I did email him last xmas a photo of our son with Santa. That was my small steps towards trying to include him.
But no return response came back from his side....cyber or real life. So I've accepted that's how it is and I've gone on living. But still his phantom presence lingers
I see him everyday in my son from the way he smiles to the way he scratches his head when he's upset/tired/bored. The head scratching/rubbing is SO his dad's trait.
While he mostly has my features, there's no denying his fathers asian "mark" on my son. I wondered if as my son grew he would become more "black" looking. I've accepted it aint gonna happen.
Except for his legs becoming a darker shade of caramel and his hair becoming just a bit more curly....he still has asian features.
As my son grows he's going to become aware that's he's different looking then mommy...what then? I've been thinking about this since he was born. I've tried to lay a base of examples through books, TV shows and taking him to different culture events.
I hope he will understand from a young age that the world is made of many different people and it's a good thing to be from different cultures. But still I worry it might not be enough.
At a recent single mom support group there was a guest speaker, a clinical psychologist who specializes in family therapy and parent/child relationships, who came to speak to the moms about "Connection & Conflict In Separated And Divorced Couples." I went to cover the event for the blog but ended up taking part in the discussion.
I shared how lately I've been thinking of once again trying to make contact with my son's dad, but the thought of dealing with conflict holds me back.
My son's father and I didn't exactly breakup on good terms. Nor did we have good communications after the breakup. For weeks after over emails, voice mail and txt msg we fought bitterly. But really when it comes to our son what does it matter? Can't we find a successful way to co-parent the child we both wanted so badly!?
I discussed the pros and cons with the moms and psychologist. Having his father in his life would help him see why he looks different and let him know he's part of someone else. But having a father who's struggling with issue of maturity and alcoholism might be damaging. Can he teach my son how to be a man and father from his example?
In the end it's up to me and what I want for my son. What that is...Im still struggling with. But I feel I need to decide soon cause I cant deal with the unresolved haunting presence of my son's father for much longer
Saturday, January 23, 2010
You are a great kid - Dear Kid
You're a great kid! From day one you started out this way.
Dear Daniel
You were such a great baby. You had your own sleeping schedule and hardly stayed awake all night. I didn't have the long months of crying and fussiness other moms spoke about. You ate well and took to breastfeeding with no issue. Later you took to solid foods also without issue. As long as I kept the snacks coming you were happy :)
Now your a toddler and still a great kid! Yes like other toddlers you test your boundaries and love doing all things your not suppose to do. Yes, like other toddlers you can have meltdowns and temper tantrums.
But even with all that...your still a great kid. Your meltdowns and tantrums hardly last a few minutes and after you always come to give me a hug and kiss. I learned this is your way of saying sorry mommy.
But the best part so far is your love of travel. :) Like your mommy you love being out and about.
Traveling with you is a joy. This might be because you started traveling with me when you were 3 days old. You always get comments on how well behaved you are...and it's true.
Like most kids you love running around and sneaking things when your mom isn't looking. But unlike most kids you behave and listen when you need to. Maybe this might change later. But even so, I've learned enough about you to know that you'll still be a great kid! ;)
Love you always,
Your Umma
Dear Daniel
You were such a great baby. You had your own sleeping schedule and hardly stayed awake all night. I didn't have the long months of crying and fussiness other moms spoke about. You ate well and took to breastfeeding with no issue. Later you took to solid foods also without issue. As long as I kept the snacks coming you were happy :)
Now your a toddler and still a great kid! Yes like other toddlers you test your boundaries and love doing all things your not suppose to do. Yes, like other toddlers you can have meltdowns and temper tantrums.
But even with all that...your still a great kid. Your meltdowns and tantrums hardly last a few minutes and after you always come to give me a hug and kiss. I learned this is your way of saying sorry mommy.
But the best part so far is your love of travel. :) Like your mommy you love being out and about.
Traveling with you is a joy. This might be because you started traveling with me when you were 3 days old. You always get comments on how well behaved you are...and it's true.
Like most kids you love running around and sneaking things when your mom isn't looking. But unlike most kids you behave and listen when you need to. Maybe this might change later. But even so, I've learned enough about you to know that you'll still be a great kid! ;)
Love you always,
Your Umma
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Your imagination - Dear Kid
How adorable that your learning to use your imagination more and more each day.
Dear Daniel
I love watching you pretend to talk on the phone using all kinds of different objects. Yes even the tv remote control.
I'm so impressed when you line objects up in rows. I watched as you group first by size, the change your mind and regroup by randomness. I confess I don't exactly understand why you insist on doing it with the shoes. But I've learned to patiently wait until your done and then put them away again.
Still, I cant figure out what's the deal with you wanting to "collect" things in one corner of the room. Is that you imaginary secret treasure area? I dunno but can you please not "collect" things your mommy needs and put them there.
Love you always,
Your Umma
Dear Daniel
I love watching you pretend to talk on the phone using all kinds of different objects. Yes even the tv remote control.
I'm so impressed when you line objects up in rows. I watched as you group first by size, the change your mind and regroup by randomness. I confess I don't exactly understand why you insist on doing it with the shoes. But I've learned to patiently wait until your done and then put them away again.
Still, I cant figure out what's the deal with you wanting to "collect" things in one corner of the room. Is that you imaginary secret treasure area? I dunno but can you please not "collect" things your mommy needs and put them there.
Love you always,
Your Umma
Monday, January 4, 2010
Being selfish: the resolution
So I recently joined Write-Of-Passage in harmony with my 2010 resolution to be more selfish. This year I want to turn the focus back towards my creative self. I know it sounds bad but really being selfish can be a good thing. Almost life saving if you think about it.
Little by little over the years I learned about being selfish. When people think of the term, idea, action of selfishness it's in a negative way. To withhold in some manner is frown upon.
But sometimes you need to withhold, sometimes it's better to keep for yourself, to put your interest first before others. Over the years I learned the hard way that giving without recharging will leave me...empty. If I'm empty then what good am I?
This year I want to live a selfish life. I want to return to putting myself and my interest before others. As a creative person my first aim is to pursue my goals, to give reality to my dreams and hopes. That is the one true purpose of my life. If I use most of myself doing something not related...then I am not living.
Since becoming a mother I've really been struggling with this concept. Motherhood can be considered the most unselfish role a woman can take upon herself. For years your life revolves around the needs of this little person. But for me I also see a way to pursue my goals.
My son has cemented my connection to a community I was only somewhat related to. While I shared the goal for awareness and support for the Asian and Black community, if I wasn't dating an asian man the issues didn't impact me as much.
But now I have a child who is a blend of both worlds. The need for awareness and support is woven into his life.
As his mother his needs has become my needs. This year I put our needs first! I will make the promotion of this blog, as well as our community blog, where I put my energy.
I will build a more aware world for my son. I will be selfish so my son can live as a regular person and not a rarity.
Little by little over the years I learned about being selfish. When people think of the term, idea, action of selfishness it's in a negative way. To withhold in some manner is frown upon.
But sometimes you need to withhold, sometimes it's better to keep for yourself, to put your interest first before others. Over the years I learned the hard way that giving without recharging will leave me...empty. If I'm empty then what good am I?
This year I want to live a selfish life. I want to return to putting myself and my interest before others. As a creative person my first aim is to pursue my goals, to give reality to my dreams and hopes. That is the one true purpose of my life. If I use most of myself doing something not related...then I am not living.
Since becoming a mother I've really been struggling with this concept. Motherhood can be considered the most unselfish role a woman can take upon herself. For years your life revolves around the needs of this little person. But for me I also see a way to pursue my goals.
My son has cemented my connection to a community I was only somewhat related to. While I shared the goal for awareness and support for the Asian and Black community, if I wasn't dating an asian man the issues didn't impact me as much.
But now I have a child who is a blend of both worlds. The need for awareness and support is woven into his life.
As his mother his needs has become my needs. This year I put our needs first! I will make the promotion of this blog, as well as our community blog, where I put my energy.
I will build a more aware world for my son. I will be selfish so my son can live as a regular person and not a rarity.
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