Dear Kid Saturday – For the Love of Nursing

It's Saturday! Time for a Dear Daniel letter

Dear Daniel

This morning we had another wrestling sessions over you wanting to nurse and me not letting you. I cant figure out what happened to the self weaning stage you went thru a few months back. We were doing so well. You were down to just night time nursing and some nights didn't even need it. But after the move we're back to you trying to nurse all the time. Hmm.

Please try and understand it's not that mommy doesn't want to comfort you. I know you nurse when your upset about something but we need to find other ways to calm you. I've tried hugging and rocking, singing and dancing ad even as a last resort...bribing with raisins. So far your favorite soothing method is the raisins but they will only last 1.05oz worth. Hmm

So for now we'll negotiate the nursing schedule. I'll allow it at night so I don't have to worry what the neighbors think of a child crying his headoff. Plus I want to get some sleep. But you have to ease up on the reaching in my shirt to grab a boobie when we're outside. Deal?

Love you always,
Your Umma

Wanna play? Here’s how to participate in Dear Kid Saturday:

1. Write your own Dear Kid letter on your blog.
2. Grab a Dear Kid Saturday button for your post and/or your sidebar.
3. Sign the latest Dear Kid Saturday MckLinky with your name and the link to your Dear Kid post – the specific post URL, not the homepage of your blog.

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Our Shout-Out on YouTube

A few days ago I was contacted by Naomi on YouTube. Usually when people find one of my videos they'll send me a msg. The msgs are usually from another mother with a blasian child or from a blasian person. Of course they all want to say how adorable Daniel is. LOL. But this note from Naomi was a bit different since she wanted to make a shoutout video for both me and Daniel.



I wasn't sure what would be in Naomi's shoutout video but after watching them I was stunned. Naomi doesnt know this but just by making that simple video she has done an amazing thing. Through that video she will spread awareness to others about

• Black women who date Asian men,
• Families with biracial children or family members who have biracial children
• Racial tolerance and acceptance
  

Watching Naomi's shoutout video brought me to tears. I never know how the things I do and blog about touches others. Sometimes I wonder if anyone outside my community even really cares. As I heard Naomi make comment's about blog posts I've written, product reviews I've done and how wonderful is was to see a mother documenting moments in a child life...I am encouraged to keep doing what I do. Thank you Naomi!

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Learning How to Parent Alone

Parenting alone is a scary thing. I'll be the first to admit it. Yes, I did choose to be a single parent but that doesn't make it any easier. Parenting is still hard work! Now that Daniel and I are "officially" on our own, after moving away from my family, I'm trying to learn to do things on my own as a parent.

In one it's a wonderful thing to be free to train and raise my son in my own way. No more bickering about what he's eating, wearing, or doing. The first and final say is mine! But in other ways it's a little stressful not to have a little backup when I need it. Now if I need something from the store I have to dress Daniel and take him. Doesn't matter if it's cold, rainy or late night. Also what little free time I use to have is all gone. From morning to night Daniel demands my attention. Now I am his sole distraction and playmate.

The one area I find this being a real problem is when I need to blog. Trying to develop a thought has become a challenge when I constantly have to stop and tend to him in some way. Writing one blog use to take me a few hours now it takes me a whole day. Since I'm already backup in some areas blog-wise you can see how frustrating this is becoming. Some paying blog projects have deadlines and if I cant meet the deadlines then there's no payment. That's not acceptable.

As a single parent one of the scariest things is the fear I cant provide for my son. From food to medical I need to be able to cover these basics. If I cant then panic will set in.

Matter of fact Linda, a blog friend, who's a single mom through adoption, recently wrote in her "Therapy Thursday - Are my Hot Thoughts Killing Me" about having such a panic attack when she couldn't find a medical bill to pay. In that blog Linda outline some ways to focus and reduce the panicking feeling when going through an anxiety attack.

I found that info so helpful. As a single mom I do need "tools" to help me figure things out. What I learned from my own family wont work for us since I want to parent differently. I want to learn how to parent so I can figure out what works best for MY family.

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Wordless Wednesday - That Smile

This smile encourages me to be strong when dealing with a hard moment in life

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We Are Not a Rarity

Today we made our usual trip to the laundromat. While waiting for the clothes to wash I followed Daniel as he walked around. As we walked past a black women asked "what is he mixed with"? I thought...that's a new spin on the "is that your baby"? question.

As I looked at her cooing at my son I could tell she was just curious. Besides, she also had a baby boy in a stroller. From his curly hair I suspected he might be biracial. So I told her my son is half korean. She replied "I knew he was half asian, my daughter is half Filipino". Once again I was found by another black mother with a blasian child

Being found by mothers with blasian children is happening to me more and more. Usually they find me online through facebook or the blog. I'm always amazed and proud when that happens. For so long I've been the one doing the stalking of other mothers. Now it's time for me to be stalked. LOL.

But even as I meet other mothers I still deal with people thinking my community is a "rarity". When I talk about my community to other people they have a hard time seeing it. I think some people think I talk and write about race as a hobby instead of a real life experience. A few times I've seen comments on my blogs where people say a black women with a half asian child is so "rare, special or unique". Hmm. I don't agree with all of that. Neither my son or I are some sort of mutated species of humanity. I doubt people realize what they're saying or what labeling us "rare" implies.

I recently wrote a blog about how people should take the red pill (hat tip to the Matrix movie) so they can SEE the blasian community because we're not some secret sect. Blasian are everywhere and Im sure part of many people's family tree. Not to mention at the rate that asians and blacks are making blasian babies we're a growing force in the population. It's exciting to see! After chatting with this other mother of a blasian child I came home encouraged. We both prove that blasian families are far from being a rarity.

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Phantom Presence of My Baby Daddy

I talk very little about my son's father. Im not trying to hide anything or keep secrets, it's more that there's nothing really to share. Currently he hasn't made any efforts to be part of his son's life. I did email him last xmas a photo of our son with Santa. That was my small steps towards trying to include him. But no return response came back from his side....cyber or real life. So I've accepted that's how it is and I've gone on living. But still his phantom presence lingers

I see him everyday in my son from the way he smiles to the way he scratches his head when he's upset/tired/bored. The head scratching/rubbing is SO his dad's trait. While he mostly has my features there's no denying his fathers asian "mark" on my son. I wondered if as my son grew he would become more "black" looking. I've accepted it aint gonna happen. Except for his legs becoming a darker shade of caramel and his hair becoming just a bit more curly....he still has asian features.

As my son grows he's going to become aware that's he's different looking then mommy...what then? I've been thinking about this since he was born. I've tried to lay a base of examples through books, TV shows and taking him to different culture events. I hope he will understand from a young age that the world is made of many different people and it's a good thing to be from different cultures. But still I worry it might not be enough.

At a recent single mom support group there was a guest speaker, a clinical psychologist who specializes in family therapy and parent/child relationships, who came to speak to the moms about "Connection & Conflict In Separated And Divorced Couples." I went to cover the event for the blog but ended up taking part in the discussion. I shared how lately I've been thinking of once again trying to make contact with my son's dad but the thought of dealing with conflict holds me back.

My son's father and I didn't exactly breakup on good terms. Nor did we have good communications after the breakup. For weeks after over emails, voice mail and txt msg we fought bitterly. But really when it comes to our son what does it matter? Cant we find a successful way to co-parent the child we both wanted so badly!?

I discussed the pros and cons with the moms and psychologist. Having his father in his life would help him see why he looks different and let him know he's part of someone else. But having a father who's struggling with issue of maturity and alcoholism might be damaging. Can he teach my son how to be a man and father from his example?

In the end it's up to me and what I want for my son. What that is...Im still struggling with. But I feel I need to decide soon cause I cant deal with the unresolved haunting presence of my son's father for much longer

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My Photo is Part of Cheerios Mosaic of Bloggers

My photo is on a special-edition Honey Nut Cheerios box! How exciting is that.

A few months back I was one of many in the Bloggers In Caring program who participated in Blog It Forward To Fight Hunger campaign. I blogged about how we can Fight Hunger w General Mills and ShopRite. The box will be on sale exclusively in ShopRite stores the week of January 24th for everyone to see!

Wish you could also have your photo on a special-edition Cheerios box? You can if you help raise awareness of the issue of hunger. Read my blog on the Photo Mosaic of Bloggers In Caring Against Hunger and learn how. Then let me know when you'll have your photo on a cereal box =)

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Dear Kid Saturday – You're a Great Kid

It's Saturday! Time for a Dear Daniel letter

Dear Daniel

You're a great kid! From day one you started out this way. You were such a great baby. You had your own sleeping schedule and hardly stayed awake all night. I didn't have the long months of crying and fussiness other moms spoke about. You ate well and took to breastfeeding with no issue. Later you took to solid foods also without issue. As long as I kept the snacks coming you were happy :)

Now your a toddler and still a great kid! Yes like other toddlers you test your boundaries and love doing all things your not suppose to do. Yes, like other toddlers you can have meltdowns and temper tantrums. But even with all that...your still a great kid. Your meltdowns and tantrums hardly last a few minutes and after you always come to give me a hug and kiss. I learned this is your way of saying sorry mommy.

But the best part so far is your love of travel. :) Like your mommy you love being out and about. Traveling with you is a joy. This might be because you started traveling with me when you were 3 days old. You always get comments on how well behaved you are...and it's true. Like most kids you love running around and sneaking things when your mom isn't looking. But unlike most kids you behave and listen when you need to. Maybe this might change later. But even so, I've learned enough about you to know that you'll still be a great kid! ;)

Love you always,
Your Umma

Wanna play? Here’s how to participate in Dear Kid Saturday:

1. Write your own Dear Kid letter on your blog.
2. Grab a Dear Kid Saturday button for your post and/or your sidebar.
3. Sign the latest Dear Kid Saturday MckLinky with your name and the link to your Dear Kid post – the specific post URL, not the homepage of your blog.

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Martha Stewart Blog Show Recap

Last week I went to the Martha Stewart show about blogging. The entire studio audience was filled with bloggers from all over...including me =)

http://mommyfactor.blogspot.com/2010/01/blogging-live-at-martha-stewart-blog.html

I blogged all about who I saw, what happened on the show and what I think about Martha Stewart after seeing her live and in person. You can read my recap of the show over on The Mommy Factor.

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Wordless Wednesday - The Joker

My little joker wearing a hat from Wintuk Cirque du Soleil

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Moms of Biracial Kids Featured on Twitter Moms

My "Moms of Biracial Kids" group was featured on the Twitter Moms website. I also saw a link to the group in this weeks Twitter Moms newsletter. I can not tell you how proud and excited I was to see all these notices. It was the most unexpected thing to happen but in another way something that happened right on time


It's so in harmony with my inner thoughts. I've been thinking of a few projects that would highlight this group of women. I've started compiling a very nice list of blogging moms with biracial kids. I also start more groups with the same theme on different ning sites. It was amazing to me that no one else offered a place for this group of blogging / tweeting/ social savvy women.

Still, while talking to another mom it became clear that this wasn't enough. Ana of Quiskaeya felt there is a need to find more different way to connect and bring exposure besides just through emails and blog visits. Recently I just freed myself up from some projects and wondered if I should direct my focus into this area. I think I have my answer don't you :)

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Dear Kid Saturday – Imagination

It's Saturday! Time for a Dear Daniel letter

Dear Daniel

How adorable that your learning to use you imagination more and more each day. I love watching you pretend to talk on the phone using all kinds of different objects. Yes even the tv remote control.

I'm so impressed when you line objects up in rows. I watched as you group first by size, the change your mind and regroup by randomness. I confess I don't exactly understand why you insist on doing it with the shoes. But I've learned to patiently wait until your done and then put them away again.

Still, I cant figure out what's the deal with you wanting to "collect" things in one corner of the room. Is that you imaginary secret treasure area? I dunno but can you please not "collect" things your mommy needs and put them there.

Love you always,
Your Umma

Wanna play? Here’s how to participate in Dear Kid Saturday:

1. Write your own Dear Kid letter on your blog.
2. Grab a Dear Kid Saturday button for your post and/or your sidebar.
3. Sign the latest Dear Kid Saturday MckLinky with your name and the link to your Dear Kid post – the specific post URL, not the homepage of your blog.

Mom Blogger Freedom of Speech

Today someone call me prejudice, the other day someone call me race crazy, along the way it's been implied I'm racist and a bit more. What starts all of this? It's simple really. I speak....and write.

I wrote a post on how race and freedom of speech are intertwined. It was inspired by drama I had on twitter with a pr person and online "friend". The whole ordeal was very upsetting.

What was all the anger for? Was this really because I asked people to unfollow me? What interest do pr people have in my tweets if it's not about their client or product? It was clear I was separating personal and pr related identities to make things easier for me and the pr people. Was that really something to become offended about or to start a twitter fight over?

Thinking about it...maybe. At the heart of the argument is right. Who has the right to do and say whatever. From their side I didn't have the right to do what I said or asked them. They felt the need to tell me what I should do...

Huh, well no one has the right to tell me how to live online or offline. More so when it comes to MY blog and the things I want to talk about...either you get it or you don't. I don't write for the masses of society. On twitter the pr person, unprofessionally, went on and on threating to tell all her friends about me and my racist views. Never mind she was saying some shady things also. Then she wrote a "mommy blogger" shouldn't act like that. Problem is she didn't realize while some people label me a "mommy blogger" I'm not one really.

I don't make a living or have contract deals because of my blog. My blog is not my business. What my blog is...is my brand and community identity. When I started years ago it was just me...no pr people, no online friends, no one else. I started blogging to give a voice for my community, not to become a famous "mom blogger"

It's interesting that the same online friend who is now sadden by my outspokenness, was the one who encouraged me into the "mom bloggers" world because she liked what I had to say. Seems becoming famous has a way of changing a person

I do not have the fear of losing my brand because I had a disagreement with a pr person or famous online friend. No pr person/famous mom blogger can take away who I am. What I fear losing is my voice, and my ability to be the voice for my community, because I'm trying to be "pr friendly".

There's value in who I am, what I have to say and what I can do. But it's not for everyone nor was it meant to be. It remains to be seem if the "pr media & mom blogging" community will respect my freedom of speech and continue to make a place for me.

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Wordless Wednesday - Remembering Karissa

My candle for Karissa

Today my WW is in memory. Last night I learned that Karissa of Prissy Green had committed suicide. It hurt my heart so bad and I cried for the loss of a sweet woman. In general I understand death and the fact that it's part of life's natural cycle, but to lose someone unexpectedly through suicide is such a horror.

It's such a tragedy on so many levels because Karissa was so warm and true in her friendships. I only knew her online but her spirit connected with mine better then a lot of people I know in real life. Karissa had a personality that welcomes and encourages new bloggers, supports those struggling with personal and blog issues, that always has a smile to share...but still something was went wrong in her life. It's painful that she didn't reach out to one of the many people she'd help. I know we would have give her an out pouring of our love and support. But I guess sometimes a personal dark moment can over take us and make us feel it's better not to continue in life.

So many people struggle with these dark moments and take the option not to continue. They leave such a void not only in their friends and families lives but in this space we call the world. As a community we didn't get a chance to be there for Karissa but maybe we can be there for someone else who needs it.

Please, reach out to someone close to you or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), a free, 24-hour hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. Your call will be routed to the nearest crisis center to you.

To see what others have to say in remembrance of Karissa visit MomDot's wordless wednesday for Karissa

Nikki's Interview on Watermelon Sushi World

I was recently interviewed by Yayoi Winfrey on her blog Watermelon Sushi World

http://watermelonsushiworld.blogspot.com/2010/01/blasian-baby-blogging.html

Yayoi asked me about

• why I blog about the blasian community,
  
• how do I feel about black women who date interracially
  
• what's the most common question asked by mothers with blasian children
  

Visit her blog and read what I have to say. Make sure to leave a comment! =)

Wordless Wednesday - Guyanese Pirate

My sister put a head-tie that has the flag of Guyana on Daniel. *sigh* He looks like a Guyanese pirate. BTW, Guyana doesn't have pirates

Writing Challenge 4: The Resolution : Be Selfish

So I recently joined Write-Of-Passage in harmony with my 2010 resolution to be more selfish. This year I want to turn the focus back towards my creative self. I know it sounds bad but really being selfish can be a good thing. Almost life saving if you think about it.

Little by little over the years I learned about being selfish. When people think of the term, idea, action of selfishness it's in a negative way. To withhold in some manner is frown upon. But sometimes you need to withhold, sometimes it's better to keep for yourself, to put your interest first before others. Over the years I learned the hard way that giving without recharging will leave me...empty. If I'm empty then what good am I?

This year I want to live a selfish life. I want to return to putting myself and my interest before others. As a creative person my first aim is to pursue my goals, to give reality to my dreams and hopes. That is the one true purpose of my life. If I use most of myself doing something not related...then I am not living.

Since becoming a mother I've really been struggling with this concept. Motherhood can be considered the most unselfish role a woman can take upon herself. For years your life revolves around the needs of this little person. But for me I also see a way to pursue my goals.

My son has cemented my connection to a community I was only somewhat related to. While I shared the goal for awareness and support for the Asian and Black community, if I wasn't dating an asian man the issues didn't impact me as much.

But now I have a child who is a blend of both worlds. The need for awareness and support is woven into his life. As his mother his needs has become my needs. This year I put our needs first! I will make the promotion of this blog as well as our community blog where I put my energy. I will build a more aware world for my son. I will be selfish so my son can live as a regular person and not a rarity.

Read what other Write-Of-Passage participants had to say

No, Not While The Baby Sleeps

I had a great idea to have a year in review post on all the fun things Daniel and I did this year. We've done some cool things, meet amazing people and had some funny experiences. I mean it's not every day the local McDonald's tries to giveaway Daniel to some random Asian man because they didn't think I'm his mommy. It's a funny story but my readers have to wait to hear about it because honestly I'm tired. No one told me as my son became more active I'd become more tired. What the heck?!

Over the holiday season I was checking in with my jewelry mentor. She tried getting me to have promotions to catch the holiday sales. I tried explaining to her that I have very little time to get most things done day to day. There was no way I had extra to put into my craft or holiday selling. I got very little support. Her answer for me to do it all? Do it when the baby is sleeping.

I have come to hate this saying and the naive people who say it. It seems so simple don't it? While the baby sleeps run around crossing stuff off your to-do-list as you magically complete tasks. But these people are usually either in their 20's (like my mentor) or have no children (again like me mentor). No other parent would dare utter those dreadful words and here is why

After caring for the demands of a child continuously for hours, when that same child takes a nap, this parent either also wants to nap or sit quietly starting into space. The last thing on my mind is project management of any sort. It's mentally tiring to figure out why he's crying this time, how to stop him from throwing things or why he insists on trying to open the front door. To switch gears from mommy to creative person is not that easy. Sometimes, I struggle just to put words together for this blog. To ask me to make jewelry or to think how to produce sales is a bit much.

I don't know how people think that idea...is such a great idea. Don't people think parents would love to do stuff "while the baby sleeps"? If they stopped to think about it, there's a reason why parents are tired and behind on projects even with all the napping our kids do. You see, while baby sleeps is the time for this parent to "breathe" and prepare for when baby wakes.