My family always has something to say about what I allow my son to do and not to do. Always a criticism that I won't let him do anything. I'm always hovering, I'm too strict, on and on.
I wonder what they think the role of a mom is after all?
Today I noticed my son playing with his bottle of Aveeno Baby Wash and Shampoo. Normally I take it right away cause I don't want him associating certain things as play items. But today I was a bit tired and since it's a click to open cap I decided to let him play with it. Big mistake!
A few moments later he's oddly quiet, so I look over to where he is...and see him licking his hand. I'm like what is he licking? I gave him nothing. Then I notice the top is off and the bottle is laying on its side seeping the gel out onto the table. Ugh!
As I walk over to him, to make sure he hasn't drank any of the gel, I'm so mad at myself! Why don't I just listen to myself. I know what's best for my son so I should just stand my damn ground.
I'm so sick and tired of hearing unasked for comments from people who always think they know better then the mother of the child. I always ask...are you going to go to the hospital with him when something go wrong? No? Then leave me alone.
Of course my family just continues annoying me until I lose it and yell at them. LOL. Then they grumble under their breaths, but you know what...I stop caring months ago.
As I wash my son's mouth out with water, cause he did lick some of th gel, but not alot thank goodness since he didn't like the taste, I realize I'd much rather continue fighting with them, then be sitting in the emergency room.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
Recovering from the disconnect
So I'm on facebook trying to catch up with what's happening in my community and finding that I'm so disconnected from everything. I don't know when it happened but I'm no longer tapped in to what's happening with most of my friends.
I'm now hearing about new blasian babies born recently, babies I knew are closer to being toddlers, while others moms are planning to expand their families. I should have been in the mix of things welcoming each new addition to the blasian family, sharing stories of life with a toddler or giving support for plans of a new baby.
But no! I've been distracted with increasing my status as a mom blogger with stats to show and all that.
But when did that happen? When did I let go of my link to the asian black community to grab hold of the "mommy bloggers" community? What is my focus? What happened to all the community projects I had planned? Where are the interviews of asian and black couples I wanted to start highlighting? Where are my posts from my blasian playdates?
I just seem to have gotten distracted and let some things fall thru the crack
I feel so bad! Connecting with people is where I find the most satisfaction. My joy comes from sharing stories, experinces and laughter. Sharing was the whole motivating force behind me blogging in the first place. I must get back to that!
I'm now hearing about new blasian babies born recently, babies I knew are closer to being toddlers, while others moms are planning to expand their families. I should have been in the mix of things welcoming each new addition to the blasian family, sharing stories of life with a toddler or giving support for plans of a new baby.
But no! I've been distracted with increasing my status as a mom blogger with stats to show and all that.
But when did that happen? When did I let go of my link to the asian black community to grab hold of the "mommy bloggers" community? What is my focus? What happened to all the community projects I had planned? Where are the interviews of asian and black couples I wanted to start highlighting? Where are my posts from my blasian playdates?
I just seem to have gotten distracted and let some things fall thru the crack
I feel so bad! Connecting with people is where I find the most satisfaction. My joy comes from sharing stories, experinces and laughter. Sharing was the whole motivating force behind me blogging in the first place. I must get back to that!
Sunday, August 9, 2009
I'm His Mommy, Not His Nanny
Hello, out there! I am the half Korean/half black mother of a 2 year old boy. My son's father is Scottish and Assyrian. My son is a delectable mix of us both and his heritages show on his beautiful face.
I'm finally getting around to posting (thanks to Nikki for inviting me) and am sorry it took me so long. I used to blog quite often before I had my son, but now that he's a toddler and asserting his independence, I'm allowed the odd moment to myself.
I live in a predominantly melanin-deficient area of NYC where most of the non-white/namely black-and-brown faces you see belong to either home caretakers or nannies. Nevermind that grew up here- that I have lived in the same place for 30+ years of my life. This is all irrelevant because people just can't imagine that I could possibly live here, or that my son, who incidentally looks just like me, is my son.
I've had more than a few incidences that got my blood boiling. One of my favorites (and the most recent) happened about a month ago. I was in the playground with my son and was supervising him as he climbed on a structure. There were many kids climbing too. This woman comes over with her son and starts saying to me, "Oh, I know his parents" as she gestures to a child who, of course is not my son. I just say, "Oh...okay...." and go about my business. Then she says, "Are you with him?" - meaning the little boy. I tell her that no, I am with him, gesturing toward William. I assume that she'll "get" that William is my son, being that he looks like me and all. She asks me if he has a brother and I tell her he doesn't, thinking that's the end of the conversation.
A few days later, we're in the same playground. This time my husband, who is white, is with me. I sit down on the benches (William had broken my toe...!) and William and my husband play together about 2 yards away from me. The same women ambles by with her son and starts talking to my husband. It went something like this (some paraphrasing, but this is the jist):
Woman: Oh, I saw him the other day (meaning William). Does he have a brother?
Husband: No, he doesn't.
Woman: Oh- there's a little boy who looks just like him. I was talking to his babysitter the other day...
Husband: Maybe you mean his grandmother...? (He'd heard the story from me already and knew where this was going but was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt)
Woman: (insistent) No, no...his babysitter...
...and me, sitting about 2 yards away on the bench. So not only am I the babysitter, but I'm the faceless babysitter.
Some people don't get my outrage about this. They don't understand how annoying it is when people think that your child, the one that you birthed with your own body, is not your own. It's hurtful, angering and frustrating.
If you're not the mother of a biracial/multiracial child/non-white child, then try to open your mind and your eyes a bit before you comment.
Guest Writer: Sheila Greene-Dartley
I'm finally getting around to posting (thanks to Nikki for inviting me) and am sorry it took me so long. I used to blog quite often before I had my son, but now that he's a toddler and asserting his independence, I'm allowed the odd moment to myself.
I live in a predominantly melanin-deficient area of NYC where most of the non-white/namely black-and-brown faces you see belong to either home caretakers or nannies. Nevermind that grew up here- that I have lived in the same place for 30+ years of my life. This is all irrelevant because people just can't imagine that I could possibly live here, or that my son, who incidentally looks just like me, is my son.
I've had more than a few incidences that got my blood boiling. One of my favorites (and the most recent) happened about a month ago. I was in the playground with my son and was supervising him as he climbed on a structure. There were many kids climbing too. This woman comes over with her son and starts saying to me, "Oh, I know his parents" as she gestures to a child who, of course is not my son. I just say, "Oh...okay...." and go about my business. Then she says, "Are you with him?" - meaning the little boy. I tell her that no, I am with him, gesturing toward William. I assume that she'll "get" that William is my son, being that he looks like me and all. She asks me if he has a brother and I tell her he doesn't, thinking that's the end of the conversation.
A few days later, we're in the same playground. This time my husband, who is white, is with me. I sit down on the benches (William had broken my toe...!) and William and my husband play together about 2 yards away from me. The same women ambles by with her son and starts talking to my husband. It went something like this (some paraphrasing, but this is the jist):
Woman: Oh, I saw him the other day (meaning William). Does he have a brother?
Husband: No, he doesn't.
Woman: Oh- there's a little boy who looks just like him. I was talking to his babysitter the other day...
Husband: Maybe you mean his grandmother...? (He'd heard the story from me already and knew where this was going but was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt)
Woman: (insistent) No, no...his babysitter...
...and me, sitting about 2 yards away on the bench. So not only am I the babysitter, but I'm the faceless babysitter.
Some people don't get my outrage about this. They don't understand how annoying it is when people think that your child, the one that you birthed with your own body, is not your own. It's hurtful, angering and frustrating.
If you're not the mother of a biracial/multiracial child/non-white child, then try to open your mind and your eyes a bit before you comment.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Why a box to check doesn't matter
Recently, a friend of mine asked me what I wanted my children to consider themselves as in race. I told her in my home I have no box to check for race...you are who you are.
This conversation got me thinking that as they got older they will need to check a box whether for employment or for medical reasons.
I want my children to grow up knowing that they are in fact a person and not defined by "box" to check for race. Yes, they are half West Indian and half Korean, BUT that is only their heritage.
They are BLACK when it comes to the color of their skin. When people look at them, they will see black children...yes they look mixed, but everyone will know that they are BLACK.
I want them to love their black skin, the texture of their hair, their beautiful full lips and noses...everything that makes them unique and beautiful.
What I do not want is for them to feel shunned by the Korean community because they do not have the fair skin, flat faces, and pin straight hair. I do not want them feeling as though they are beneath anyone.
My children are not denying me or my heritage. They are just being themselves. They are being who we, my husband and I, are raising them to be.
I don't feel jilted in any way. I am, however, proud to be their mother.
Guest Writer: Yun Grant
This conversation got me thinking that as they got older they will need to check a box whether for employment or for medical reasons.
I want my children to grow up knowing that they are in fact a person and not defined by "box" to check for race. Yes, they are half West Indian and half Korean, BUT that is only their heritage.
They are BLACK when it comes to the color of their skin. When people look at them, they will see black children...yes they look mixed, but everyone will know that they are BLACK.
I want them to love their black skin, the texture of their hair, their beautiful full lips and noses...everything that makes them unique and beautiful.
What I do not want is for them to feel shunned by the Korean community because they do not have the fair skin, flat faces, and pin straight hair. I do not want them feeling as though they are beneath anyone.
My children are not denying me or my heritage. They are just being themselves. They are being who we, my husband and I, are raising them to be.
I don't feel jilted in any way. I am, however, proud to be their mother.
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